Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
He pauses, sets Bella down, and gives me his full attention again before continuing.
“When I walked into the house yesterday, you smiled so damn big, and you always do that. You always look at me like I’m not a failure at everything or even capable of screwing up. You have all this hope in me, Felix, and you’re happy just having me around, and not just because I’m not out using if I’m with you. You’re the first person to ever look at me like that.”
I force the last bite of cake down my throat before it chokes me and lick the crumbs off my lips.
“Does it matter less if I’m not trying to do that? Because I’m just reacting to seeing you.”
“No. It matters more.” Jake steps closer until the plate I’m holding presses into the skin on his stomach. “It matters more than everything. Than everything. And so do you.”
I stare into his eyes, watching them jump between mine.
“This moment just got heavy,” he states.
“It did. You did that.”
“There’s more I could say, but I don’t know if I should.”
“Why?”
“Because my sobriety should be the most important thing to me, and I’m not sure it is anymore.”
I close my eyes, letting those words sink into my heart. Knowing what they mean.
And knowing how wrong this is. I shouldn’t want to hear that.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat and look at him again. “Yeah, I’m having the same problem.”
“I know.”
My face flares with heat.
So much for not being that obvious. I thought I hid it better.
I look away and exhale a deep breath. “Fuck.”
“It’ll be okay, Felix.”
I turn back immediately and nod, telling him, “Yeah, I know,” when I don’t believe it.
And it sucks. It sucks so bad because this wonderful thing we both just admitted could ruin us.
“Here.” Jake takes the plate from me and places it into the sink. Then he covers the cake pan with foil before walking back over and taking hold of my hand. “Come on. Let’s just go back to bed.”
We’re quiet on the walk upstairs and again in the bathroom where we stand side by side at the sink while brushing our teeth, and still as we climb into bed after getting rid of our clothes, and I chalk up our silence to how late it is (or early), and how exhausted we both must be.
But I know better.
Jake settles with his head on my chest, and I run my fingers through the ends of his hair, the way he’s always doing to me, and I’d fall asleep if our positions were reversed, but I don’t ask to switch.
I’m content with lying awake and never sleeping again, because I think Jake is in love with me.
THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (SO FAR)
JAKE
I LEARNED ALL about addiction replacement when I went to rehab.
It was a topic that was covered a lot. They warned us about it. Even said most of us were probably already swapping out addictions and we didn’t even realize.
That assumption pissed me off, but whatever. I kept my mouth shut and listened.
I heard stories about drug addicts in recovery getting hooked on prescription medication after a doctor prescribed something for anxiety.
I met someone in rehab who turned to gambling after getting clean.
Food. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Money.
Anything that lights up the “pleasure center” of your brain has the risk of growing from a want to a need to this dangerous, compulsive obsession that takes over and then ruins your life.
And then you’re just another cautionary tale. Another horror story they feed to everyone who first enters rehab.
You’re the alcoholic who gambled away every dime and lost their family.
You’re the junkie turned sex addict who spread an STD to his wife because you can’t keep it in your pants.
I thought it was all bullshit then, and I still do. Mostly.
I’ve never wanted anything the way I want to get high.
But when I’m hunched over Felix with my dick buried in his ass, I’m not sure I can say that anymore.
“You’re killing me,” I rasp against his ear, licking the shell. “I’ll never forget what this feels like. What you feel like.”
“Good. Keep fucking me.”
I slide my mouth down to his neck, where I lick and suck on his sweat-soaked skin and pump my hips in quick little jerks.
“God, yeah,” he grunts. “I love that. Love everything you do to me.”
Felix gives up on stroking himself to hold my head in place and moans like he’s never felt anything better.
My hand covers the one he has braced on the plastic headboard, and my other squeezes tight around his hip.
Then I lean back just enough to watch as I pound into him.
“Ah, fuck. Fuck, Jake!”
His back and head bow before he braces both hands on the headboard and pushes back.
I gasp at the slight angle change and hold firm to both of his hips now, my palms and fingers nearly covering the wings of his butterfly tattoos, and I slow my strokes so I don’t blow and blow this.