Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
She gripped me into a tight hug the second she saw me.
“Love you,” she said.
“Love you too, Liz.”
We didn’t speak all that much about Jason himself. We typically didn’t. But on the days I needed her most, she was always there. She told me about the latest drama involving a high school student she’d hired to work at the hardware store. I told her about a nice old woman staying at the inn who had apparently been a tennis superstar back in the day.
Soon it was the evening, and after many beers, Liz and I were both well past tipsy.
“We definitely need another log on the fire,” I said, standing up and poking at it with my stick.
“Toss one on,” she said, nodding toward the big wood pile beside her deck.
“Oh, you’re making me do it, huh?” I said.
She grinned. “You’re already standing up,” she told me. “And if I stand up, I might sway a little, and we don’t need that.”
I hauled another log over to the fire pit and nestled it in. The orange flames flickered and grew a little brighter, illuminating the now dark yard.
I sat back down on the chair across from hers, cracking open another beer and taking a big swig.
“You’re doing really good, Warren,” Liz said, peering over at me.
“Oh no,” I said. “Have we reached the wise Lizzy part of the night?”
“Bet your ass we have,” she said, giving me a look that was half amused and half old, wise wizard. “I really mean it. This is the best I’ve seen you in a while.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t think so, but I appreciate the compliment.”
“You’re stronger,” she said, her unbroken gaze still on me. “I know it. And I think you know it, too.”
“I don’t know if I’m stronger or if I’m just losing it,” I said, gripping my beer bottle a little tighter in my hand. I looked at the crackling fire instead of Liz. “You know the pretty boy?”
“Cameron?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Of course I remember him. You seemed pretty smitten.”
“I was not smitten.”
“Bullshit.”
I glanced over at her, a surge of adrenaline cutting through my alcohol-soaked haze. “I think I’m really falling for him, Liz.”
She snorted. “Of course you are.”
“Don’t act like it’s so obvious,” I said.
“It’s been obvious.”
I furrowed my brow. “I’ve never thought of him as more than a friend and hookup until very recently.”
“Right, right,” she said.
“I mean it,” I told her. “Cam… Cam had rules. The rules made it easy.”
“What rules?”
“No hookups, no dating, nobody meets his kids.”
“Didn’t you tell me his kids came over to see your yard?” she asked, lifting an eyebrow. “And that you two hooked up the first night you met?”
I took a long sip of beer. “Well, yeah, I never said we didn’t break the rules, but they existed, at least.”
She chuckled. “So you’re falling for him.”
“Really falling, Lizzy.”
My mind was swimming. It was all too much. I was always honest with Liz, but not like this. Shame welled up inside me. Suddenly the camping chair felt awkward and uncomfortable under me, the fire felt too hot, and my open flannel a little too constricting. I shifted in the seat, pulling off the flannel and tossing it over the back of the chair.
I pulled in a deep breath, leaning my head back and staring up at the sky, watching the embers at the top of the fire break off and disappear into the darkness.
“I think it’s a beautiful thing,” Liz said quietly. “Fall for him. Let yourself.”
“No,” I said forcefully, clutching the cold beer tight in my hand again. “You want to know something? Part of me hates that Cam is getting rid of all the rules now. The rules made everything easier. Simpler. But now if it’s real, it means—”
My words caught in my throat. I sucked in a deep breath. Liz said nothing, and I’m sure she knew exactly why.
“It means the last chapter is finally closing,” I managed to say.
My chest was heavy. I thought of Jason, smiling as he skipped over to me on a night just like this, one night of dozens of nights in Afghanistan where we had nothing to do but wait. I could still remember the way the dirt kicked up under his boots. How silly it was to see a man in combat gear skip like that, skip right over to me, knowing that that night, we might get to be together, as long as nobody else found out.
And now here I was, over four years later, and I hadn’t even remembered that today was his birthday.
“You can’t stop growth,” Liz said quietly.
“I know,” I whispered. “But I’ll never forget him.”
“You never, ever will,” she said. “But you deserve happiness. And you know Jason wanted that for you.”
I snorted. “Jason would have loved Cam. He would have wanted to kick back and watch us fuck, I’m sure of it.”