Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
“You do. It is now a part of you. Remember how I told you that they cut it off the face of the last Sunwolf? We don’t want that to happen, do we?”
He freezes, then touches his face, attempting to sense the bone and metal the crown was made of before attaching itself to its new host. “What do you mean? It’s just my face.”
“No, my love. You have the markings of the Sunwolf on your face now. And your eyes… How well do you see now in the night?”
Hawk frowns. “What night?”
To be fair, that does have its perks. I clear my throat and pull out the dagger I took with me from Tassarion’s forge. I unsheathe it so he can see at least a vague reflection in the metal.
Hawk leans in, and his long hair cascades down his shoulder as he blinks, staring at the polished blade. I see the exact moment he realizes I’m not joking, because his face falls, and he taps his open eye with one of his fingertips, as if he needs to make sure it really is that black. “Fuck… I look… like a monster.”
I sigh and hug him with my good arm. “It’s not looks that make a monster. You put it on to save me.” I place my hand over his heart, even though I feel like crying at the loss of our greatest asset. Whether we want it or not, Hawk will now end up forever entwined in court politics. “We will handle it. Once I have access to the Nocturne Court library, I will learn everything there is to know about the mask, and maybe one day I will find a way to take it off you. For now, we still have your shadow to show up with.”
I glance to our feet, where even in the darkness of the night—
“It’s gone,” I utter. “You have no shadow.”
Chapter 31
Sylvan
Idip my fingers into my shadow, trying to convince myself that Hawk’s darkness isn’t gone, but that I just can’t see it.
But it’s not there.
I drop to my knees and pat the ground under his feet despite the agony in my shoulder.
“No, no, no, no, no…” I whine even though I’ve never been one to deny reality.
When I think about it, it makes perfect sense that the Sunwolf would cast no shadow of his own, that it would disperse under the force of Sunlight inside him. I just don’t want to believe it, because the implications are my worst nightmare.
I cover my face and sob.
It’s a shameful moment, which not only lays bare all my insecurities and weaknesses but also once again punishes the man I love for having the audacity to risk his life for mine. I should suffer in silence. I should cover my grief with a smile and offer my gratitude, but I cannot bring myself to do it. The wound is so fresh, and it already festers.
Hawk doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak. He’s silent, as if I’ve struck him in the face while I let myself mourn a future that will never come.
“Sylvan?” he asks after endless moments, so quietly I barely hear him over the dull thud of my own heart.
“Everything is gone. The mask, your shadow…” I utter through tears and sit at his feet. I’m almost angry the carpet of moss and clover is so soft under me, because I deserve to suffer for the mistakes I made. It’s all my fault. Why did I insist on picking the marroweed for Hawk, if he didn’t want me to? “This whole endeavor has been for nothing.”
Hawk exhales, and I watch him sit cross-legged only two paces away. He combs his fingers through the undergrowth between us. “I didn’t want this to happen.”
The black hole that opens up inside me is darker and deeper than Hawk’s shadow was. I have no strength left to fight my tears. “Of course you didn’t. You only wanted to save our lives, but it doesn’t matter that it’s not your fault. I didn’t plan this well enough, I took the opportunities that presented themselves, and now here we are, with no leverage at court, and you’re still attached to me, a banished prince who has no right to be here. It means that you will be hunted just as I am, and I can’t protect you because I am now useless.
“For but a moment, I had a power so pure, so primal, it felt endless. It was at my command, even if I still needed to learn how to truly wield it. Now I never will. I'm back to being nothing. You’d be better off with me dead.”
I once more hide my face, because my tears are too embarrassing. I am and have always been a shame to my family. Now, I am also a burden to the man I love.