Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
“But I am,” Hawk says. He’s no diplomat and won’t bother covering a dirty table with a clean cloth. “You lied to me, told me it’s safe and costs me nothing, so you can gain access to my shadow. But now I can’t back out of this agreement until one of us dies.”
I clench my fists until my nails dig into my palms, but it doesn’t help me calm down. “I promised you my body. That was what you wanted, and it is not nothing.”
Hawk sucks in a lungful of air, spreading his arms like a bird about to strike its prey. “And I would never use this promise to hurt you. I would never demand my rights if you didn’t actually want to be with me, but you just took, and took, and I was powerless to stop you!” His voice chokes, and he turns away, walking back onto the shore.
I wrap my hands at the back of my head, at a loss about what to do. Am I really this bad at dealing with people? Just seeing Hawk so somber and disappointed makes me want to hug him and beg for forgiveness, but how would I even know if my touch is still welcome?
All I know is that I must make amends.
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I am not the victim here, and I don’t deserve to feel sorry for myself. I might not have understood how much my actions were affecting Hawk, but now that I do, it’s my responsibility to prove to him that I can be trusted with his shadow.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “This power is new to me, but that is no excuse. I am so ashamed to have let you down on the night I promised you protection. I vow to you, that it will not happen again. I will only use the surface of your shadow, never more. I will not hurt you again.” My heart beats faster, and it shames me that he might sense it through our bond. My feelings are my responsibility. “Please give me grace,” I dare extend my hand to him so that it is his choice whether to take it or not.
Hawk exhales and glances at me, so tall and strong, yet now so vulnerable to my power over his shadow. I’ve only ever seen this exchange from one side. Never once did it occur to me how frightening the sensation of having one’s life force drained must feel to a Dark Companion, how much trust it must require. I can’t turn my gaze away from that anymore, because my husband would never forgive me if I did.
“You know, I’ve been fucked over so many times,” Hawk whispers, grabbing handfuls of his hair as he stares into the darkening sky. “The reason why I was a wanted man in the first place was because I fell in love with a boy who made me feel sorry for him.”
“I also promise not to drink again,” I add and let my hand fall to my side, rejected. “It has not aided my control over the situation.”
Hawk nods, and when the weight of his warm hand settles on my shoulder, I’m devastatingly close to crying. “Talk is cheap, so I’ll believe it when I see it. But thank you for… trying.”
My heart is bleeding all over the wood, yet no amount of regret can take back time or my choices. I fucked up, and he doubts me. I have to live with that.
I slide my fingers onto his hand and look into his soulful eyes. “Please do not consider fleeing. It’s not safe, not only because of the swamp beasts, but also because my cousin has no doubt alerted the Lord of the Nocturne Court of my arrival.”
I’m tense but breathe in relief when Hawk squeezes my hand. Maybe not all is lost after all.
“I don’t run,” he says, only to scratch his head. “Actually, I did run from prison, and from my family, and from that soul river of yours, so watch it. I’m good at escaping.”
Nerves coil in my stomach but I nod because I meant my vows and promises, even if I managed to break them so fast. I will not give him a reason to regret his choice of husband.
“Hopefully we will both be, if need be?” I offer him a shy smile, even though I don’t think we’re there yet. I want to be loved by him so badly it makes every bone in my body itch.
Hawk’s mouth quirks, and he strokes my hand with his thumb. “I can be your escape teacher. But just so I know… how wanted are you really?”
“Well… I’m a fugitive in all of the Nightmare Realm, really. Bounty hunters might want to seize me anywhere, though the farther we go from the Nocturne Court itself, the safer we will be.”