Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 76583 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76583 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
And I’m happy to contribute. After a week of being on the flotilla with the others, I’m starting to get the hang of things. I can swim now, and while I can’t tear through the water like Dorran or Ranan, I do all right. Balo has a pair of long reinforced leather flaps that he straps to his feet to help him paddle, but I don’t have those yet. It’s not the speed of my swimming anyhow. No one cares if I’m fast or slow, they just want to make sure they don’t have to rescue me. Now that I know how to swim, Balo’s been teaching me how to do some of the chores. I’m not great with fish leather; it requires extremely careful handling and very fine cutting, and after I mangled a skin, we decided I’d be better at other things. For the last few days, I’ve been practicing with Balo’s sling spear. It’s a thin spear with a two-pronged tine at the end, and the other end has a rubbery strap that I’m told is made from the guts of a particularly nasty deep-sea squid. The band is wrapped around the lower arm and elbow and made taut, and when I see something I want to spear, I release it and the spear goes flying through the crystalline waters. There’s a second, longer leash on the spear that keeps me from losing it in the depths, or else it’d have disappeared several flubbed “throws” ago.
But today, I speared a fish. Today is awesome. It’s just a little one, but as I get more comfortable in the water, I can go deeper and get the bigger fish.
Maybe if I work hard enough, the people here will accept me. They’re already giving me easier looks, but I want more than that. I want to be loved and accepted. If they love me, maybe Ranan will, too.
Ranan. I wrap the sling around my arm again and contemplate my failing relationship with my not-quite husband. We sleep together every night, but things are off between us. I want to beg him to love me, to forgive me for getting upset at his words…but at the same time, I’m trying to be stronger than that. Braver than that. Because Ranan is always saying I should want things for myself.
Well, I want a husband that loves me, and if Ranan decided that we’re going to be married out of pity, I don’t want it.
My new plan is to learn all that I can here while I’m stranded, and be a strong, valuable part of the flotilla. Then when this flotilla joins up with another for a meet, I’ll move over to another, or find someone that will take me to shore. I don’t have to stay here with Ranan, not if it’s going to carve my heart out of my chest just by looking at him.
Because I wanted what I thought we had. We were becoming so good together. And now I’m crushed that it might have been all in my mind all this time. That he never cared for me the way I cared for him. That he was just humoring me.
That he wanted a bribe all this time. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball of misery.
“Well, well. Look who’s up and around,” Balo calls out cheerfully. He tosses his thick wet hair back and runs a hand over his face, wiping away water. “Long time no see, my friend.”
As if my thoughts have summoned him, Ranan hobbles over to the edge of Sjaata. He’s using a spear as a walking stick, and his injured leg is bent, so he doesn’t put weight on it. There’s a seaweed bandage wrapped around the wound, but I know from my own examinations of it that it’s so much better than it was before. He looks good, though. Healthy. There’s a light sheen of sweat from his exertions, but if anything, it just reminds me of how nice it feels to touch him. How his hard muscles feel under my fingertips.
Gods. I’m still lusting after him even knowing that he doesn’t want me. I’m a mess.
“Aye,” Ranan says with a heavy, contented sigh. He shifts his weight, then awkwardly leans on his good leg again, as if he’d forgotten his injury for a moment. “I’m allowed to get off my tail, finally. I can’t put much weight on the leg but I hope it will get stronger every day.”
“Don’t push yourself,” I say. I worry he’s going to tear something and I’ll be responsible for not tending to him correctly in the first place.
His gaze lands on me, lingering. “I won’t.”
Good. Well. I swallow, trying to think of something to say. Normally I’m not tongue-tied around Ranan, but this doesn’t seem like the time for casual chatter about the flotilla or how many fish I’ve gutted today. Not when he regards me with that almost caressing expression, as if it’s pleasing just to look at me. I wish he looked at me like that, always. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so dismayed when he misspeaks.