Total pages in book: 16
Estimated words: 14818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 74(@200wpm)___ 59(@250wpm)___ 49(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 14818 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 74(@200wpm)___ 59(@250wpm)___ 49(@300wpm)
I’ve lived every day for myself, which is why I’m confused about these weird visions of having kids with Mika. We haven’t even put a label on us yet. Are we still roommates? Lovers? Temporary lovers? Casually dating? Exclusively dating? Fuck buddies?
What happens when I move out? Will we still keep in touch? Or will he move on and find someone else? Someone younger and hotter? The thought of him with anyone other than me causes a burning sensation in my stomach.
What’s going on with me? Why am I so obsessed with him?
“You okay, Max? You look … Well, you don’t look excited.” His forehead furrows, concern and worry etched across his handsome features.
Mika may be a giant, but he’s pretty gentle—with his words, his touches. He’s also annoyingly observant, which is probably why he’s a good nurse. He notices and sees everything.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” I shake my head and step away from him. I need some space to breathe. The emotions swirling within me are in danger of suffocating the life out of me. Everything’s happening too fast, and I’m not sure I can keep up.
“I-I can’t do this, Mika.” I turn my back on him, unable to look him in the eye. If that makes me a coward, then so be it.
“What do you mean, Max? The concert?”
“N-no.” I swallow back a sob and turn to face him. Pointing to him and me, I sigh. “Us. I can’t do this. We need to stop.”
Mika crosses his arms across his broad chest. “You’ve said that a million times already.”
“I don’t even know what we are.”
“You’re mine. That’s it. No one touches you except me.”
“What if Mindy finds out?”
“So what if she does? She’s my aunt. She doesn’t get to dictate how I want to live my life. ”
“She’s my friend, Mika.”
“If she is, then she’ll understand. We’re not doing anything wrong. She knows me. She’ll know I’m good for you.”
Frustration fills me, and I pace the floor to let out my nervous energy. “You don’t understand.”
“Then help me. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
Mika takes a step forward, but I raise a hand to stop him. My resolve is as weak as wet cardboard because I feel it waver whenever my gaze meets his.
“We’re not compatible. We don’t make sense as a couple.”
His chuckle is dark and has a biting edge to it. “Really? Says who?”
“Mika, you’re 27! You have your whole life ahead of you. In five years, I’m going to be 40. I’ll start getting gray hair before you, wrinkles around my—”
“You’re right. We’re incompatible.”
I know he’s flinging my words back, but it still stings. “Mika…”
“You’ve been here … what … almost three weeks. And you think I’m the kind of guy who’s so obsessed with a woman’s looks? You think I’m that shallow? Have you met me? Sure, I was attracted to you at first because you looked like a fucking angel. But over time, it became more than that. We both know it. This goes way beyond anything casual. And it scares you.”
“Mika, that’s not—”
“I want to know what you want from me, Max. You want us to fuck in private but pretend to be nothing more than roommates in public? Is that it?”
Words get lodged in my throat, and my heart pounds against my ribcage, making it hurt and turning me nauseous.
With his hands propped on his hips and a vein pulsing on his forehead, Mika stands there unmoving. His face betrays nothing, but the muscle ticking in his jaw tells me how difficult this conversation is for him.
He pins me with a look. “We're not doing anything wrong. We’re not hurting anyone. If falling in love with you was wrong, sue me. I don’t regret it. The only sad part in all of these is how you’re so preoccupied with other people's opinions that you forget which ones matter the most—yours and mine.”
Oh my God. With my fingers splayed across my stomach, I take big gulps of air, my breathing becoming shallow and irregular. Images of what could have been flash through my mind, and I will myself to stop.
I’ve crossed a line, and there’s no turning back.
Still…
Am I wrong? Did I just hurt him? Did I hurt the only guy who made me feel special?
“You embarrassed being seen with me, Max?”
“No!”
He nods slowly. “Because it surely feels like it.”
Mika doesn’t wait for me to respond. He grabs his jacket and slams the door shut. Covering my face with my hands, I let my body fall to the floor.
It’s quiet. Too quiet. The whole apartment feels colder and bigger without him in it.
Before coming here, I was scared out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep and kept thinking of the what-ifs. Now I realize… one thing that made this transition easier was Mika. It’s not just the small things—preparing my coffee and toast before I head to work even if he’s about to hit the sack, picking me up every day, and waiting for me when I need to stay up late.