Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84203 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84203 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“How what is supposed to go?” he asks gently, looking at me like I’m a rabid animal ready to attack. When he got home, I could tell something was wrong. His hair was a mess like he’d been running his fingers through it repeatedly, and the look on his face was as if someone had died. When his eyes met mine, I could see the sympathy and sorrow in his gaze. I thought he was going to tell me I needed to pay back the money or run. What I didn’t expect was that he was going to tell me that the only solution is to get married.
“Falling in love,” I choke out, answering his question. “I was supposed to wait. I have goals. Get my sister and me out of this hellhole and get her off to college before that happens.”
“Falling in love?” he asks, trying to follow along with my hysteria.
“Yes! I’m not supposed to make the same mistakes my mom made,” I cry out. “I’m supposed to meet a man who chooses to be with me, who chooses to love me and marry me.” My sobs increase and the tears blur my vision. “He’ll wear a sharp black tux, and I’ll wear a beautiful white dress, and when he says, ‘I do’ it’ll be because he loves me and wants me and chooses to spend forever with me… not because it’s the only way to save my life.”
Micah steps toward me carefully and I shake my head, not wanting him near me. “You said you wouldn’t force me. You said you wanted it to be my choice! You lied.”
“I am choosing you,” he argues, bridging the gap between us. He palms the sides of my face and wipes the tears that are sliding down my cheeks. “I love you, Sienna. I’ve fallen so fucking hard for you. This isn’t how I wanted to say the words. It’s not how I wanted this all to go. But I swear to you… this is me, choosing you.” He kisses my lips softly, and for some reason. it only makes me cry harder. “I’m choosing to save you, Hellcat. Please, let me save you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No. Choosing to save me isn’t choosing me. We’re supposed to date and then get engaged and then get married. Because we want to, not because we need to.”
Unable to be in this room with him a moment longer, yet knowing I can’t leave, I do the only thing I can do and run upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I’ve only barely fallen onto my bed when the door opens behind me. “Sienna, it’s me,” Ellie says, her voice unnaturally soft. She climbs onto the bed with me and guides my head into her lap. For several minutes, she strokes my hair, attempting to calm me. And it works...until she speaks.
“I don’t want you to die.” Her words are said with such raw emotion that goose bumps spread across my flesh. “I’ve never had a dad, and you’re as close to a mom as I’ve ever had. If you die, I’ll have no one. So, if marrying Micah will keep you alive, I really think you should consider it. I know that makes me sound selfish but...”
Her voice trails off, not needing to finish her sentence, and I lay with my head in her lap thinking about what she’s said. What she needs. And I know deep down that I don’t have a choice. And that right there is the whole crux of the problem.
All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to have a choice, to be someone’s choice. And by marrying Micah—despite having feelings for him, despite being attracted to him—both of our choices are being taken away from us.
He can say he’s choosing me but he’s doing so under duress. He’s not choosing to spend the rest of his life with me, to stand at the altar and vow to love me forever. He’s simply choosing not to let me die. My heart deflates at the thought.
The truth is, I’ve enjoyed spending time with Micah, even thought maybe there was a chance something between us was developing. The circumstances weren’t ideal recently, but our first date was real, filled with only pure intentions. Micah claimed to want to get to know me on more than just a sexual level, and for the first time, the possibility of finding love left me feeling hopeful. But now everything feels tainted. I’ll always wonder if Micah marrying me is out of obligation or if he’s truly making the decision because he wants to be with me.
But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is keeping Ellie safe. And in order to do that, I have to be alive. Bottom line...There never really was a choice at all. I have to marry Micah.