Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 92779 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92779 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
I don’t sound anything like that. Have never sounded anything like that. But she knows someone who has.
The guy who cheated on her a long time ago. The athlete boyfriend. Right now, I could choke a motherfucker, and I’ve never met him.
She’s not mad at me. Or not only mad at me. She’s mad at him, and at herself for daring to think that I would be different than him. But I shouldn’t have to pay for mistakes he made when I’ve done nothing but be honest, respect her, and love her.
“You know I have a past, but I haven’t fucked Mollie since long before we started anything. Hell, I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else since October,” I declare evenly, trying not to yell again. “I’ve only looked at you. But Mollie obviously found out about us, and she knew you were listening in that bathroom, so she told June a whole bunch of lies to run you off. It worked.” I huff out a humorless laugh that something so stupidly simplistic could ruin everything.
Joy doesn’t move, her eyes still full of mistrust and skepticism. “Why would she lie, Dalton?”
“Why does anyone do anything? I don’t fucking know, and I don’t fucking care about Mollie. I care that after everything we’ve been through together, you didn’t even consider, for the tiniest of seconds, trusting me.”
She looks as though I slapped her, the shock of my statement hitting harder than a hand ever could. It’s all the answer I need.
“At the slightest nudge, you trusted a complete stranger’s lies over me. You didn’t hunt me down and ask, or kick my ass.” My chest is tight and aching, and I lay my hand there, trying to stop the hurt as I say, “You just believed the absolute worst about me with no hesitation.”
Her chin drops, but it’s too late for shame because though Mollie might’ve been scheming, her lies have revealed an even bigger betrayal than cheating.
“It doesn’t matter that Mollie made that shit up.” I run my fingers through my hair, gripping the strands punishingly tight. “It doesn’t matter, does it? What matters is that you lied to me.”
“I lied?” she echoes, pointing at her own chest in exasperation. “What do you think I lied about?”
“You were never gonna give us a real chance, were you?” I answer quietly. “I’ve been all in with you for months, reminding myself at every turn to go slow because it’d take time to overcome my reputation. You made me believe that if I was patient enough, proved myself worthy of the great Joy Barlowe, that we might have a real shot. But it was never going to be enough. I was never gonna be enough.”
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see the truth. But I see it now, clear as day. I’ve been such an idiot.
“Because it was never about that, was it? I haven’t been fighting my past, I’ve been fighting yours. And you were never truly gonna let me in, were you?”
She freezes, but the ice in her eyes is a mere representation of the frigid landscape of her heart. I’ve made my way past her brick walls, barbed wire, insults, and more, but underneath it all, there are only more shields she hides behind, keeping everyone at bay. Including me.
“You weren’t keeping us a secret for Shep and me. Or even for the good of the season. It was so you could walk away at the first sign of trouble,” I tell her, my heart breaking inside. Suddenly, I’m nearly on the edge of tears, and I haven’t cried over a woman since my grandmother died. “You’d think I would’ve realized that sooner, but I guess the best defenses are designed like that because that’s what this is—another defense mechanism. I told you once that you were sour on the outside and sweet inside, but I was wrong. You’re a Trojan horse—pretty on the outside and deadly on the inside.”
“I’m not—” Whatever argument she’s about to make doesn’t come. Instead, her mouth hangs open and she blinks as we both silently recognize that’s the cold, hard truth.
She’s destroyed me. Ruined us.
“Fuck that, Joy. And fuck you too. I deserve someone who’s as proud to love me as I am to love them. Because I do—I fucking love you,” I spit out. The pained words hang heavy in the air between us, unanswered except for her quiet gasp. “But I deserve better . . . than you.”
I sag, breathing heavily at the weight of the realizations hitting me from every corner of my mind and heart.
I have done nothing more than love this woman, giving her my whole heart, while telling myself that if I was patient enough, she’d eventually love me back.
But she doesn’t love me.