Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 94609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 378(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94609 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 378(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“Where are we going?”
He nodded toward his fishing boat. “I caught some bluegills and perch last week on the lake. Figured we could go out there, then I can make you a fish fry afterward.”
I smiled a little.
I didn’t know I still knew how to do that.
“What do you say, Theo? Wanna go fishing with me?”
I nodded, and we headed off to his boat. After collecting our fishing poles from his shed, I climbed into the boat, and PaPa followed me, holding a pole in his hand. He untied the boat from the dock, then took the steering wheel and away we went.
We didn’t talk as we chopped through the waves, with water splashing against my face. We didn’t talk when we stopped the boat to start fishing, either. I was fine not talking. I liked fishing at night with the quietness.
My eyes started getting teary, but I tried my best to play it off as if I got some lake water in them. I kept rubbing them as I sniffled, but PaPa didn’t call me out on my emotions. He just let me feel what I needed to feel.
We fished for hours until the sky fell completely asleep, and then we fished some more.
We caught fourteen bluegills and six perch. PaPa said he was proud of me, but he would’ve been proud of me whether I caught a fish or not. When we returned to the house, we cleaned the fish, and he cooked me a fish fry at two in the morning. Grandma woke up and ate the fish fry with us, and then she kissed my forehead, cleaned up the kitchen, and said good night.
PaPa sent me to bed, and I asked if I could keep the light on. Lately, I didn’t like sleeping in the dark. I didn’t feel safe in the darkness. He said yes and pulled up a chair beside my bed.
“I think I’ll stay here till you’re asleep,” he told me.
“It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“No,” he said, “you’re not. And that’s okay.” He held his hand out toward me, and I placed mine in his. “And it’s okay to cry. I cry, too.”
The tears came back. I didn’t feel like much of a man, crying again, but PaPa cried, too, and he was the manliest man I’d ever known. He fished, chopped wood, and cried sometimes, too.
That made me feel a little bit better even though my heart was still sad.
“Hey, PaPa?”
“Yes, Theo?”
“You can turn off the light tonight if you’re going to stay in here with me.”
“All right.”
He shut off the light, then came back and held my hand again. I was still sad. I wanted Mom to come back, but I had a strong feeling she wouldn’t. I never knew my father, and I was almost certain I’d never know my mother again, too. That made me extra sad, but I had my grandparents, Molly and Harry Langford, who were my very best friends. I didn’t have a lot of friends because of how I stuttered and tripped over words sometimes. I hated that I stuttered. The doctors said it was a speech impediment, but I didn’t care what it was called. I just cared that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out some words without tripping over them. What I hated most about it was that other kids made fun of me for it. Not only did I have speech issues, but I was also a little chubby and short. A lot of kids my age bullied me for how I looked and talked, so after a while, I stopped trying to make friends.
Instead, I liked to fish with PaPa. Sometimes I’d help Grandma make the sourdough bread they’d sell at the farmers’ market and their fish shack restaurant, Fisherman’s Loaf, each week. PaPa said I could take over Fisherman’s Loaf one day, and I was already looking forward to it. I knew I wouldn’t let him down.
“Hey, Theo?”
“Yes, PaPa?” I yawned.
“Your worth isn’t measured based on the people who walk away. Remember that. Your mama…my little girl…she’s struggled with demons for a long, long time. Her choice to leave had nothing to do with you, okay?”
But why wasn’t I good enough to make her stay?
Instead of saying that, I stayed quiet.
“Love you, boy,” PaPa said. “You’re gonna be all right.”
Yeah, I thought even though I didn’t believe it just yet. I didn’t know when I’d believe it, but I hoped it would be true someday.
I’m gonna be all right.
CHAPTER 1
Theo
Present Day
Thirty-Two Years Old
“Seven dollars?!” Julia Ripton remarked, holding her hands to her chest as if I’d told her that her dog had died in a tragic accident. “Are you joking? That’s highway robbery.”
“That’s a fair deal,” I confirmed as I stood behind my booth at the farmers’ market. My grandparents and I had been running that booth for well over ten years outside of our family restaurant that had been around for over forty years, and somehow, Julia Ripton seemed to be shocked at our prices each week. Sure, we raised our prices by fifty cents on the sourdough loaves a few weeks ago, but with the way things were going in the world, everything was more expensive. Seven dollars for a full loaf of homemade rosemary and cheddar sourdough bread seemed more than reasonable.