Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Tears blur my eyes, and I blink them away as I study his face, trying to process what he’s confessing to me. "But…you didn’t kill me. You…missed?”
He nods. "Yes, I missed. I don't know now if it was my subconscious or what? Afterwards I thought you were dead. There was so much blood and you were already pretty beat up from your father and Yanov. With the thought that I had killed you, I walked back into that room and killed my grandfather.”
I blink once, and shake my head. What the hell is he saying right now? He shot me then killed his grandfather to avenge what he thought was my death? "You killed your grandfather for me?"
"When I told you I did it to protect you I wasn't lying. I was also trying to protect myself. He wanted someone to use, to force into things, to submit to him. He wasn't going to stop at you, he was going to find someone else when you were gone and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. I took out one more asshole intent on taking what doesn't belong to them. I guess...in that moment...he reminded me too much of what happened to me because of Tanya." He closes his eyes and slowly breathes in and out through his nose like he’s trying to settle himself. "There was no way I could leave you to the same fate. And when I realized my mistake, when the doctor told me you were alive…guilt consumed me. I had to fix my mistake, I had to make sure you survived and had the chance to succeed.”
Anger, bile, rage, all of it surges up, forcing its way out. "You were such an asshole to me though!” I scream at him.
"I know, and to be honest, I’m always an asshole, but with you it was different. I had to be, because the moment you opened your eyes and looked at me, seeing right fucking through me, I knew you’d be my damnation. I wanted you to be mine. On every level. And I refused to be like Tanya, or my grandfather."
We stare at each other, his hand wrapped around the top of the gun, mine trembling. Even as angry and confused as I am, I keep my finger off to the side of the trigger so I don’t accidentally do something stupid.
"That's it,” he whispers.
"That's it?" I echo. Slowly, I lower the gun, and he doesn’t stop me.
When I turn, he snatches me hard around the middle and pulls me into his chest. "No, we promised each other. No more running. For sickness and health, through the good and the bad. All of it."
I shudder against him and drop the gun to the ground.
"Why did you do this to me? How could you? Just shoot me? Like I’m no one, not even a human being. How long did you leave me to lay there, dying?”
He clutches me tighter. "I don’t know. Honestly. I was sick to my stomach. I never said it out loud, but I would’ve ended my own life if you had died that night. The only reason why I didn't is because I owed you. I owed you the chance at a life. Free of your father.”
I drop my face into my hands, and his confession wraps around me.
Months of not knowing what happened pour out of me in gut wrenching sobs. He gathers me into his arms, and I don’t have the strength to resist, not when I can barely breathe around the tears. I want to hate him. I want to hurt him. But that won’t change what’s already happened.
We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.
Gently, he climbs into the backseat of his car, and settles me onto his lap. I stare out the window and make a sound.
“Shhh...it’s okay. This is for some privacy while we talk. It will still be there when we get this settled.” He shifts me onto his lap at a better angle.
“How is this okay? How will it ever be okay again?” Wait. All this time he’s kept this secret. What else has he kept secret from me? “What else have you been hiding? I want it all. Everything, no more secrets. I’m so tired of fucking secrets”
He cups my cheeks, and I can hear the heavy gulp he makes. Shit this is going to be bad, too.
His voice shakes as he answers. "When I brought you back from Yanov I gave you a fertility drug."
I freeze, processing, trying to remember that hazy time between the killing and recovery. It’s hard with all the painkillers they gave me. "You did what?"
He clasps my hands as I raise them to strike out. At what, I don’t know but I’ve reached my limit right now.