Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
I don’t know what I would do if I walked out of the room and he was standing there, but he isn’t, so it’s okay. I slowly relax my shoulders and try to release some of the tension and ache in my bones, but every step I take solidifies my betrayal and the inevitable pain he will feel because of it. I don't want to leave him. I’ve never wanted to leave him, not really. I've been too stubborn for my own good and for way too long—an outcome of years of having to rely on myself and only myself from a young age.
I guess I never really trusted Sebastian completely. No matter what, I was always counting down the days until he got tired of having me around. Until he sent me away, or sold me to the next person. I never had a constant in my life, not until him, and now I’m going to throw it all away. The duffel bag slides off my shoulder and falls to the floor with a loud thunk.
Try as I may not to cry, I can't stop the tears from coming, and once they do I’m consumed by them. Every time I blink, another tear falls, sliding down my cheek and leaving a cold trail behind. They keep falling, even as I swipe at them, insisting they disappear.
I hate that after everything I’ve been through, I won’t get to experience true happiness. I won’t get to live a happy, normal life, but it’s a sacrifice I have to make, because at the very least I’ll have ensured he’s safe.
My cell phone vibrates inside my pocket, and I pull it out, my hand getting tangled in Sebastian's oversized letterman jacket. I have to tug my arm free of the sleeve to swipe the screen properly, which is way more effort than necessary when I realize it’s only my father.
Unknown Number: Don’t be late; you know I don’t like waiting.
Red hot anger pulses in my chest. I hate him. I hate him so much. With trembling hands, I toss the phone towards the bed, needing to get it away from me, but it bounces off the coverlet and onto the floor instead. I don’t really care. I’d love to break the thing, to toss it out of the car while driving down the road. Anything to get him away from me. To sever contact. That’s the least of my worries, though.
The guilt builds, pressing down on my shoulders and chest like cinder blocks.
I can’t do this. I can’t, but I also have no other option. My legs give out on me, and I sink to my knees, the jacket puddling on the floor around me. My leg accidentally hits the bag, sending it sideways with the contents spilling out across the shiny hardwood floor. That sends me careening over the cliff's edge of emotion. I don't want to do this. None of it. I want to let Sebastian hold me, tell me it's going to be all right, and for once in my life I want to put my trust in someone and not have it be misplaced.
Curling into myself, I rest my head in my hands and fight against the indecision battling for supremacy. I'm so buried in this...grief…I don't hear Sebastian enter the room until the warm air stirs around me, alerting me to his presence.
"What the fuck is going on here?"
I should be afraid. I should beg for his forgiveness, but I don’t. I slowly unfold myself and look up at him. I take one moment to admire his beauty, to see the warmth in his eyes that is there because of me, because once I tell him what I’ve done, what I plan to do, I know he’ll never look at me the same. Even if I don’t want to, I have to tell him. I have to make a choice.
To keep running or face this head on. To let him do what he promised. The only thing we can do is try, since if he fails, my father will likely kill me, anyway. At least then I won't have to live with the pain and guilt of what I’ve done.
Sniffling, I swipe my fists under my eyes. "I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”
“Shhhh, it’s all okay. Tell me what the problem is.” His voice is a soothing balm, but the cold rigidity of his body tells me he’s preparing himself for something worse.
“I need to tell you something."
He nods, and then his gaze leaves me to sweep over the contents of the bag strewn on the floor. Reaching for the mess, I try to gather it into my lap, but it proves difficult.
"I thought..." The tears start pouring down my cheeks again, making my vision blurry. "I thought I could take this money and leave. Leave and go to my father, and maybe he would leave you alone if I did."