The Lazy Witch’s Guide to Vampires & Villainy Read Online Jessica Gadziala

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Billionaire, Fantasy/Sci-fi, Novella, Paranormal, Vampires Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 49441 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 247(@200wpm)___ 198(@250wpm)___ 165(@300wpm)
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“Always in such a rush,” she grumbled as she followed me out of the study.

“I believe you only feel that way because your general pace would make a tortoise seem speedy.”

“You’re, like, incredibly unlikable,” she declared as we moved out into the humid night air. “Has anyone ever said that to you before?”

“Yes.”

“Are they still alive?” she asked, and I felt her gaze on my profile.

“No.”

She had nothing to say to that as she slid into the back seat of the car.

I moved to sit beside her.

And I absolutely did not think about how much nicer the drive had been with her on my lap.

“You’re growling again,” she said, glancing over at me.

“I am not.”

“Sure, okay, buddy,” she said, gaze out the side window, which was how I saw her rolling her eyes at me once again.

This was going to be the longest week of my very long life. For more reasons than one, I decided, as her honey-flower scent wafted over to me in the enclosed space.

CHAPTER FIVE

Roxy

I won’t lie.

The new outfit made me feel a bit like a badass.

I was suddenly having flashbacks to a show I watched once where some secret government agency swept up a girl right out of her high school, still wearing her white and yellow cheerleading outfit, took her to some underground training facility, changed her into an all-black outfit, and trained her how to become an assassin.

It was a really good show that they cut short after two seasons. Right before we got to see the romantic leads that had been toeing the line of more than friends since the beginning about to finally get together.

I’d considered sending a long, angry email about the cancellation. But I never got around to doing that.

Anyway, yeah, it seemed like a wardrobe change wasn’t just a fun plot device to show character development. It actually worked in real life too.

I definitely didn’t feel capable of breaking into a church and finding some mystical key in my loaf pets PJ pants. In this new all-black ensemble with my messy hair pulled back in an elastic, though? Totally could see myself doing exactly that.

Seeing myself doing it and actually doing it were two very different things, though, as I finally saw the church in question looming in the distance.

I mean, of course it was the biggest, oldest, most intimidating-looking church in the city.

In fact, it wasn’t a simple church at all.

This was Seraphim Cathedral.

The largest gothic cathedral in the States.

Thirty-thousand square feet of pointed arches, flying buttresses, ribbed vaults, and endless little corners to hide a special magical key in.

Great.

That was just great.

I would probably get shin splints from running around in circles before I even got close to finding the key.

“I’m starting to think two million isn’t enough for this,” I groused. Even if it was more than enough money to set me up for many years to come.

Sure, I could get money other ways.

A money spell jar, for example.

The thing was, magic wasn’t exactly that black & white. You couldn’t just conjure money out of nowhere. There had to be a source. So, for example, for me, doing a money spell would mean there was a sudden uptick in demand for my spells. That meant more work that produced more money.

But, well, the whole more work part was always what held me up.

And this, yeah, this was surely a lot more work.

I’d be lucky if I could clear half of the cathedral before sunup.

“How haunted is a place like this?” I was thinking aloud, imagining the thousands of people who’d had services held there.

“A couple dozen bishops, at least, are in the tombs.”

I hadn’t even considered that.

“What’s the matter, witch?” he asked. “Scared of a few ghosts?”

“Of course not.”

I mean, yeah, some ghosts were downright terrifying. Historically, people died in many horrifically brutal ways. And they weren’t always, you know, cleaned up like they were nowadays. So their ghosts were walking around with pieces missing, bloodied, all broken and twisted.

But once you visited a few graveyards to collect dirt for hexes, you kind of got used to those visuals.

I imagined the bishops had likely died peacefully of old age.

Sure, they might have some choice things to say to a witch in their sacred space, but other than that, they would just be a bit of a distraction at most.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Nathaniel asked as his driver climbed out to open my door.

I slipped my legs out of the door, sucking in a deep breath as I stared at the massive limestone building and tried not to notice the moonless sky. A sign of wandering evil spirits.

Though, to be fair, maybe I was that wandering evil spirit. I rushed up the steps of the church, ignoring the flip-flop in my stomach that a lifetime of knowing I was not welcome in these sorts of holy institutions created.


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