Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 144696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 579(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 579(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
“Do you think I haven’t thought about any of this?” I went to the sofa and sat down. With neither of us talking, the room was too quiet. “I think about it all the time. I’m constantly making plans for what I’ll do after you’re gone. And yeah, maybe it’s not practical, but when I think about it, money is pretty low on my list of concerns.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I worry more that if you die, I’ll never feel love for any other man ever again. I worry that I’ll be alone, and that I’ll never get over you. I worry that I’m not strong enough to handle that. Because right now, I really don’t feel strong enough to handle it.” When he didn’t say anything after a long moment, I continued. “You’re not helping. I know I’m supposed to be here for you, helping you, but you have to give something back. You have to at least let me feel like I’m important to you as more than just some woman you have sex with. You have to trust me, the same way you trust Valerie. Or else... you need to be with Valerie.”
“I don’t want to be with Valerie.” It didn’t take him any time at all to respond. If he’d hesitated, maybe I wouldn’t have believed him, but he stated it so forcefully, I couldn’t take it as anything other than genuine. “I want to be with you. I had no idea you felt this way. And I am deeply ashamed of my behavior, now that I see how much I hurt you. I took it for granted that you knew how I felt about you.”
“I know you love me,” I sniffled. “But I don’t know how much. I don’t know how replaceable I am.”
“You aren’t,” he said firmly. He sat beside me and put his arms around me, pulling my head to lay against his shoulder. “You have been here for every blood test, every late night sick spell... and that’s terribly unfair to you. I thought I might be able to spare you some unpleasantness if I left all of this to the people who are used to giving me advice about financial matters.”
“But that’s the problem.” I sat back. “You won’t let anyone in your life be themselves. You decide how you want a person to be, and then you assign them their part. It’s like you’re the casting director for everyone else’s life. You decided that this was too much for me, so you sent me away to shop and mindlessly spend money, because that’s what you wanted me to do. That’s unfair, too.”
“Well, when you put it that way,” he conceded. “It sounds so... malicious.”
“I know you don’t mean to do it to hurt people. But you do. Your actions tonight didn’t just hurt me. You hurt Emma and Valerie, too.”
“I’ll atone for that,” he said with a wry chuckle. “But I don’t ever want you to feel that you’re replaceable. For god’s sake, Sophie... I loved you almost from the very instant I met you. And not because I’d cast you in a role. I think I fell for you because I couldn’t see a way that you could fit into my life. You may be right, I may have a destructive tendency to pigeon-hole people. But it was never something I was doing consciously. I would never want to do that to you.”
“I’m sorry I snapped at Valerie.”
“No, you aren’t.” He rejected my apology with humor, at least. “I’m very aware of how Valerie treats the women in my life. I don’t like it, and it has been a point of contention between us.”
“Emma said it was between Valerie and Elizabeth, too.” I shrugged. “I don’t need everyone in your life to like me. I don’t need everyone in my life to like me. But I heard what she said to you at Christmas. She’s going to keep this shit up, until I’m gone.”
“It will never happen,” he stated firmly. “At least, not because of anything she does. I love you, Sophie. Even when we don’t see eye-to-eye, I love you.”
“I love you, too, but you’re infuriating.” I pushed my hair out of my face and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to talk about Valerie anymore. “How about this? If you’re so eager to give me something in your will, give me enough money to buy an apartment and enough savings for a year. And let me keep the jewelry you’ve given me.”
“You could sell it for a fair price,” he said, his mind snapping into business mode.
“That’s not why I want it.” It probably wouldn’t be fun to eat Ramen noodles every night, knowing I had three-point-six million dollars’ worth of diamonds in my bedside drawer, but I couldn’t imagine ever selling the collar.