Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
He lowered his gaze as if he couldn’t look at me, but he didn’t tell me to drop it either. His arms moved to his thighs, and he looked at the lunch I brought for him without touching it. His eyes were a little less bright now, thinking about the traumatic experience that still swamped his soul. “How do you know I’m divorced and not widowed?”
I didn’t even think of that. “Your mom told me.”
He shook his head slightly.
“That was all she said. She didn’t tell me anything else.” I didn’t want to cause any tension between them when his mother was very loyal to him, safeguarding his secrets. “What happened?”
He pulled his gaze away from his lunch and looked at me, a long bout of silence passing, as if he was actually considering answering me. “We were happy. Decided to start a family.” He started to massage his hands as he redirected his gaze. “Her father needed heart surgery…so she asked me to do it.”
Oh shit… He was the patient Dex lost.
“I was hesitant at first, but I would never deny her anything and I wanted her father to get the best care. So I agreed.” His throat worked as he swallowed, his eyes showing a flash of memories. “When I took him off bypass, his heart failed. The autopsy was inconclusive. I still don’t know what happened.” He rubbed his hands harder. “Catherine was distant after that, understandably so… Grief destroys us. But she pulled further and further away from me, even though I was grieving too. Her father was a father to me. Then she left me.”
I instantly felt anger, full-bodied anger, along with a deep, painful sorrow.
“She said it was just too hard, that she couldn’t look at me the same. She put the blame on me…and I couldn’t shake it.”
I should just keep my mouth shut, but I couldn’t. “That’s so fucking wrong.”
He gave a defeated shrug. “It made me feel responsible for Allen’s death…and that was when I left medicine.”
I shook my head, my teeth grinding together, angry tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe that…”
He looked down at his food and grabbed the sandwich so he could eat.
“Fuck. Her.” It was totally inappropriate, but I couldn’t help it. I was livid, livid that some woman would ever do that to Dex, the best guy I’d ever known. “You tried to save his life. How dare she—”
“It’s over. Doesn’t matter.” He took a bite and chewed slowly. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He took another bite and continued to chew, his eyes down.
I should accept his request, but I couldn’t. “You’ll find someone who deserves you, someone who will stand by your side no matter what, who will be thankful every single day that you’re hers.”
He chewed before he shook his head. “I’m not interested.”
Now I understood why he only wanted to hook up with pretty women he met at the bar, why he was so uninterested in anything except meaningless sex, why he was a promiscuous playboy. He was a good man…until someone broke him. “The next one will be different—”
“We had the perfect marriage. We were happy, from the day we met.” He dropped his sandwich and gave me a cold look. “I loved her more than anything in this world, would slit my own throat to make her happy, and I was living in a goddamn fairy tale. Even if I could have been unfaithful and never get caught, I never was—because there was no one in the world I wanted except her. So, if something that perfect, that special, could end up the way it did…” He shook his head. “Then it’s hopeless.”
4
Dex
I spent the day with the residents at the hospital.
We had surgical theaters that allowed the residents to view the procedures, and I would take one or two residents into the OR with me to assist with the operation. I rotated through different students, but I also didn’t take students I felt were unqualified at the time.
That was my moral obligation.
I was the number one advocate for the patient who was on the table, and if I didn’t feel one-hundred-percent confident with the resident, they were out.
Teaching was exhausting and time-consuming, but every time I grew frustrated, I reminded myself how important it was to train every generation of doctors that came through. They could operate on friends and family someday—even me.
When I finished with a procedure, I scrubbed out and left with Melanie, one of the best residents in the class. She asked me a couple questions as she untied her mask and disposed of it.
I walked with her around the corner and saw Sicily there, typing an email on her phone as she waited for me to come out of the theater. After our conversation about my divorce, things were a bit awkward, but it eventually passed and we never spoke of it again. That distance between us started to fade, and we were back to our camaraderie.