Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80121 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80121 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
He held the cigar between his fingers and let the smoke rise to the ceiling. “Alright…maybe she’s not as bad as I thought she was.”
“She’s nothing like you thought she was.”
“Let’s not forget how this fuck-a-thon started, alright? She lied to you. Lied to your fucking face.”
“But she’s never been after my money.”
He sucked the tip and let the smoke escape his slightly parted lips. “Alright, I’ll chill out. Maybe she’s not the manipulative thief I thought she was. I’ll be civil to her. I’ll even ask her how her day is going. But I still don’t think this woman is right for you, Cato. The entire beginning of your relationship was a lie. If she were a man, she would be dead right now. Maybe she doesn’t want your money, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t play you for a fool.” He turned his head and looked out the window. “We’ve had this same conversation a million times, so I’m not going to have it anymore. But as your brother, I have to be straight with you. I think you deserve better.” He held up both of his hands. “That’s all I’ll say about it.” He took another hit of his cigar until he reached the butt then dropped it in the ashtray.
I sat in the leather armchair and rested my ankle on the opposite knee. Since Siena had come into my life, we hadn’t talked the way we did before. Bates resented me for being so merciful to the woman carrying my child. A distance had developed between us, but it’d grown so much in the last few months. He used to be my closest friend. Now he was just…Bates. I missed that bond. “She told me she loved me last night.”
He stared at me blankly, like he didn’t know how to process that. He opened his left drawer and pulled out two cigars. He tossed me one. “You need one of these.” He tossed the lighter next.
I lit up and let the smoke enter my mouth. “She said it twice, actually.”
“Like you didn’t hear it the first time,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m guessing you didn’t say it back.”
“No.” I didn’t smoke at the house anymore because Siena was there all the time. I tried not to smoke at work either because it stuck to my suits and I brought it back into the house. But right now, my need to relax outweighed Siena.
“She must have been pissed.”
“No, actually.”
“No?” he asked in surprise. “That’s the most awkward thing in the world—tell someone you love them and listen to crickets. When did she tell you?”
“While we were fucking.”
He nodded slowly. “More awkward.”
I didn’t tell him how much I’d enjoyed it, how I came harder than I ever had.
“And you just kept going?”
“Yeah.”
“And then what happened?”
I shrugged. “We went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, and I pretended nothing happened. But when we were in the car, she cornered me. Said she knows I love her even if I won’t admit it. And she can wait until I grow enough balls to actually say it.”
He lit up his second cigar and took a long puff. “Well, do you?”
“No.” I’d said it many times, especially when my mother asked me.
“You’ve made a lot of exceptions for her. I can’t blame her for thinking that.”
“She misinterprets a lot of things I say and do.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, man. I’m not calling you a liar, but a man doesn’t remain celibate when a woman is gone because of lust…there’s needs to be something besides lust to keep him faithful. You didn’t fool around once in two months, even when I dragged you to the bars and the women dropped in your lap. You always left. How do you explain that?”
My arms sat on the armrests, and the cigar hung between my fingers. My gaze turned to the painting on his wall, something someone must have hung a decade ago. Without really looking at it, I stared at the dull colors of the flowers.
I didn’t have a logical counterargument against my brother’s words. Those two months were difficult for me. My dreams were filled with her beautiful face, and my broken heart never seemed to heal. It was in a constant state of pain. I had every right to fuck whoever I wanted, but returning to that lonely lifestyle made me sick to my stomach. Now that I had something meaningful, something that actually made me happy, going backward would just be painful. I hadn’t desired another woman in the first place. I hadn’t desired anyone because I was numb.
My brother kept staring at me. “If the woman already loves you, what’s the harm in saying it back?”
“I told you I don’t feel that way.”
Bates gave me a sad look, like he didn’t believe a word I said. “If you do all those things for her, but still don’t love her…then what does love actually mean to you?” He cocked his head as he examined me.