Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Around seven, I awake groggy, starving, and disoriented. I go downstairs and fix some dinner, which I eat in the dining room with Dana and a couple others. When I pass the living room afterward, I hear voices and inhale the familiar smell of popcorn that usually makes me smile. Agatha might want to keep the house sterile and cold, but she can’t stop movie night.
Normally, I would change into comfy clothes and join the girls for the rom-com viewing marathon, but tonight I want to disappear into my room again and forget about everything.
Faith returns to the house around nine after a late class on campus. She pokes her head into my room to find me snuggling with my bunny. Tiger. No, Tokki. The reminder brings tears to my eyes, causing hers to flood with concern.
“Are you okay? How did it go?”
I roll onto my back, holding Tokki against my collarbone. “Brutal. It was brutal.”
“Oh no. What happened?”
She frowns and comes to sit beside me. Groaning, I curl toward her and rest my head on her lap.
I avoid her worried gaze by staring at the ceiling instead. I try to organize my thoughts, but everything feels tangled and messy.
“We talked,” I finally say. “About his life, his childhood. It was hard to hear. I mean, I always knew I lucked out, being adopted into the Kingston family, but he really got the short end of the stick. I feel like I won the lottery, and he got screwed.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
Faith sits quietly, letting me spill my thoughts without interruption. It’s one of the things I love most about her—she knows when to just let me talk.
“I can’t stop thinking about it. He stayed in that orphanage for another year after I was adopted. And all that time, I was with my new family, being loved, taken care of… And then, when he finally was adopted, he only got to spend two years with his new mom before she died in an accident.”
“Shit,” she says again.
“It’s so unfair. And I feel so guilty, like it should have been both of us or neither of us.”
Faith squeezes my hand. “No. It’s not your fault. You didn’t choose to be adopted by the Kingstons.”
“Why didn’t they take him too?” I bite my lip. “Harrison thinks they must’ve known I had a sibling and that they made a conscious decision not to adopt him.”
“Maybe.” Like me, Faith sounds unconvinced. “But your parents are so…wholesome. I can’t see them keeping a whole-ass brother a secret from you.”
“Same,” I admit.
“Are you going to ask them about it?”
“Eventually. But that means telling them I’ve connected with Harrison, and I’m not ready for that right now.”
“You still think they’ll be upset?”
“Yes. But more than that, I don’t want…” I try to articulate what I’m feeling. “Outside influences, I guess, affecting this process with Harrison. Today was awkward and painful and emotional and a gazillion other things I can’t even process right now. I want to be able to focus on building a relationship with him—if that’s even possible—and not feel bogged down by other people’s emotions.” I sigh. “Does that make me an awful person?”
“Of course not. This is your life, babe. Your history, your future. You get to decide how to navigate it and when to tell your fam.”
“I can’t stop thinking about how different his life could have been if my family had taken him in too. He wouldn’t have had to go through all that pain and loneliness.”
“His story is hard to hear, no doubt, but you can’t take responsibility for his life. It’s not on you. What happened wasn’t something you or he had any control over. You were both kids, and the adults made the decisions.”
“I know, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way. Like I got everything, and he got nothing.”
“That’s not true. You didn’t win a lottery. You were both dealt different cards, and now you’re figuring out how to play them. Together, hopefully. If that’s what you want.”
I let her words sink in. “That feels overwhelming.”
“I know. But you’re not alone in this. And neither is Harrison, now that he’s found you.”
“I don’t know what to do next.”
“Just take it one step at a time. You already took the first step by meeting him, listening to him. The rest will come.”
Some of the weight lifts from my shoulders. “You’re right. One step at a time.” From her lap, I smile up at her. “Thank you. I’m obsessed with your friendship.”
She grins. “Anytime. With that said, I’ve got a terrible reality show queued up that’s just begging to be roasted. You down?”
“Always.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHARLOTTE
No need to overthink
I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING STILL FEELING THE LINGERING TENSION of everything that happened with Harrison. Faith is right, I can’t change the past, but that doesn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at me.