Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
He slouches back on the chaise while I idly flip through channels on the TV. Beck and I don’t even need cable—all we do is stream content anyway—but I like knowing that my father is paying for this huge cable bundle that we barely use other than for sports channels.
“Have you talked to her lately?” Case asks.
“Who?” I genuinely don’t know who he’s talking about.
“Gigi.”
I don’t miss the wistful note in his voice.
Oh.
Okay then.
Guess I was wrong about everyone having moved on.
“What?” he says awkwardly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You were at their wedding, bro.”
A frown knits his brow. “What does that—I’m not still into her.”
“You had a weird tone when you said her name,” I say.
“I mean, fuck. I’m not going to lie. I miss her sometimes. We don’t speak anymore.”
I nod slowly. “Probably for the best, don’t you think? She’s married.”
“I know. It’s just…” He trails off.
For a minute, the only sound is the muffled voices from the TV. Then he speaks again, quieter this time.
“I regret it. All the fucking time.”
“The BJ?”
He sighs. “The BJ.”
Of all my friends, Case is the last person I would’ve ever expected to cheat on a girlfriend.
“I think about it a lot. Like, what if I hadn’t messed up? What if I hadn’t gotten loaded and made out with that girl? What if I’d stopped her when she started unzipping my pants? I keep wondering how things would be different if I hadn’t been such an idiot.”
I don’t say anything. There’s nothing to say. He fucked up big-time and lost one of the best women he’ll ever know. It feels cruel to rub it in, so I just wait for him to continue.
“I was stupid, man. I threw away something good because I got scared or bored or whatever the hell was wrong with me. And now she’s happy with someone else. And I’m happy for her, really. But sometimes…it feels like there’s this whole parallel life out there, one where I didn’t screw things up.”
I smirk at him, trying to lighten the mood. “See? This is why we need time travel. So you can go back, slap yourself in the face, and not be an idiot.”
He chuckles, but it’s a hollow sound.
We lapse into silence again.
“What about you?” he asks, changing the subject. “You ever think about settling down?”
“Nah, not right now. But someday, I guess. When I’m older and wiser.”
“So never?” he cracks.
“Ha ha. I’m just saying, there’s no rush. I want to enjoy my life, have fun. But yes, eventually, I want something serious. Just gotta find the right girl.”
Case slides lower on the chaise, propping himself up on his elbows. He’s in one of his rare serious moods, the kind where he actually opens up instead of deflecting with jokes.
“So…uh…you and Beckett. You guys seem pretty close these days.”
I can’t help but laugh at his diplomatic tone. “Are you asking if I’m gay?”
He grins sheepishly. “It crossed my mind.”
“I’m not. But…” I hesitate for a second before continuing.
I’ve never spoken with Case about this stuff before. Ryder and Shane know because they’re Beckett’s boys, but I haven’t really talked to my own friends about it, the Briar crew before the Eastwood guys came over.
“Beck and I aren’t into each other like that, but sometimes we…share.” I shift awkwardly. “Women, that is. It’s just, ah, something we do.”
Case rolls his eyes at me. “No kidding. It’s not exactly a secret, you know. People talk.”
“It’s not something we advertise, but we don’t really hide it either. People can think what they want.”
He purses his lips in thought. “So no jealousy? No weirdness?”
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head. “It’s not like that. We both know what we’re getting into, and the girls do too. It’s just fun. No feelings, no drama.”
“As long as everyone’s cool with it, I guess.” But he wrinkles his forehead.
“What?”
“I don’t know. Just doesn’t seem like something you’d be okay with. You’re, like, the poster child for good boy.”
“I fought it for a while,” I confess. “I thought there was something wrong with me that I enjoyed that kind of stuff. But now I’m trying not to overthink it. Keeping things light, you know? No reason to complicate shit if you don’t have to.”
“Sure, but what about down the line? You ever think about how that’s going to work if you do settle down?”
I shrug as if it’s of no concern to me. But I’ve thought about it often. And it is.
Concerning, that is.
I don’t want to be single forever. Eventually I do want to settle down, get married. I don’t know how I feel about having kids—I’ve never really seen myself as a father. I don’t think fatherhood is something I’d be good at or enjoy. But I want the rest of it. I want a wife, a partner, someone to grow old with.