Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
“I just wish…” I trail off, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in my heart.
My gaze shifts toward the bedroom door, and I know Will is reading my mind because he plants a kiss on the top of my head.
“Go,” he says softly.
“You sure?”
“Mm-hmm.” He sounds sleepy, already falling asleep. “Go.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
BECKETT
She was my entire world, and then she wasn’t
I CRAWL INTO MY OWN BED AND STARE UP AT THE CEILING, TRYING TO push away the thoughts spinning like a carousel in my mind. The room is dark, and the stillness that usually brings me comfort now feels oppressive, heavy. I hate leaving them, but staying feels too…dangerous.
The truth is, as much as I care about Charlie, as much as I want to be with her, I can’t let myself get too close. Not like that. Not when I know it will only hurt more in the end.
I’m starting to drift off when I hear her footsteps, see her shadowy frame walk into my bedroom. A moment later, the bed shifts beneath me. My heart skips a beat, and before I can react, Charlie is sliding under the covers, her warm body pressing against mine. She wraps her arms around me as the big spoon, her face nuzzling the crook of my neck.
“Baby,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t want you to sleep alone.” Her breath tickles my skin.
I swallow hard. “You should be with Will. You know that.”
She tightens her grip on me, refusing to let go. “No. I want to be with you. Right now, I need you, Beck.”
I sigh, closing my eyes. I feel my resolve crumbling. There’s something about this woman that makes it impossible to push her away, no matter how much I know I should.
“I don’t like sleeping with people,” I finally say.
“Why?” Her voice is soft but insistent. “Why don’t you like it?”
I hesitate, my mind flashing back to memories I’ve tried so hard to bury. “It’s too intimate,” I mumble after an interminable pause.
She pauses too, processing my words. “Is that because of your high school girlfriend? The one who cheated on you?”
I stiffen, the mention of Shannon stirring up a mix of bitterness and pain. “Yeah. Because of her.”
Charlie pulls me backward so that I’m lying prone and she’s peering down at me, searching my eyes in the darkness.
“What happened? I know she hurt you, but you never talk about it.”
She’s right. I don’t. And I don’t plan on starting now.
“It doesn’t matter what happened.” I shrug. “She was my entire world, and then she wasn’t.”
Charlie stays quiet, her gaze locked on mine, urging me to continue.
“What do you want me to say here, sugar puff?” I take a deep breath, my chest constricting at the memories. “We had plans. We were supposed to go to college together. We talked about moving in, starting this whole new life. I thought she was my future.”
“You must’ve been devastated when she ended it.”
I shrug again, my shoulders bumping the pillow.
“And I imagine there’s a lot of trust issues now. You’re scared to let anyone else in, right? You’re worried if you do, you’ll get cheated on again.”
“Actually, I’m not.” I give a wry chuckle. “I don’t ascribe someone else’s bad behavior on every new person I meet. I don’t see cheaters now everywhere I look.”
“But you’re afraid of getting hurt.”
“I guess. I don’t know. It’s like…there’s this wall around me now, and I can’t let anyone in. Not completely.”
“Not even me?”
“Especially not you,” I say roughly. “Because you deserve someone who can be there for you completely. Someone like Will. Larsen’s boyfriend material from head to toe.”
“Will’s amazing,” she agrees. “But so are you. You’re more than you think you are. You’re sweet and caring and protective. You’re boyfriend material too, whether you believe it or not.”
“I’m not. I’m not cut out for the deeper shit. And I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
“You’re not dragging me down. You’re lifting me up. Both of you are. Look at what you did for me tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever had a panic attack like that before, and you guys sat there with me, helped me breathe, and then made me forget.”
My heart squeezes when I remember how vulnerable she’d looked earlier. Scared. The tears streaking her cheeks. But she’s wrong. Will was the one who talked her down. Will was the one who told her he loved her.
And me? I just stood there. Mute.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, hesitating. “Will said he loved you.”
“I know. And…I said it back. Before I came in your room.”
I nod in the darkness. I want to say something, but the words stick in my throat.
“Beckett,” she whispers, her hand finding mine under the covers. “I love you too.”