Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 140874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140874 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 470(@300wpm)
He reached up and brushed my hair back from my face. “I can’t imagine that happening to us. But I couldn’t imagine it happening to Elizabeth and me, either. You and I are both taking a rather large leap of faith with each other. But there is no reason to believe that you’re going to go through your life wantonly abandoning the people you love.”
I scooted away and stood, going to the nightstand for a tissue. I wiped my eyes, though I wasn’t done crying. I probably wouldn’t be for a very long time. “You know…it shouldn’t surprise me. I keep everybody at arms’ length. I don’t open up. I’ve heard this a thousand times before. I’m just fucking like him.”
“Like who?” The bewildered pain on Neil’s face when I looked back hurt me to my core. He didn’t want me to feel the way I felt right now, but he was helpless to stop it. I’d spent the last year hiding my fears and problems from him, and now, I was finally unable to hold them back.
The dam broke, and the words shot out of my mouth like a t-shirt cannon loaded with daddy issues. “My father!”
Neil looked like someone has slapped him. No, he looked like someone had slapped me. “You can’t really believe that about yourself.”
“Why not?” I demanded. “He makes up half my DNA. Why wouldn’t I be like him?”
“Why would you?” Neil was just as adamant. “That man walked out of your life. He walked away from his daughter. If that’s the type of person he is, then the best thing he could have done for you was walk away. But his choice, his selfish, stupid choice doesn’t reflect on you, Sophie.”
“It doesn’t reflect on me? I do the same thing with everyone I know! Before we went home for Christmas, I hadn’t seen my family in for fucking ever! And these are the people I’m supposed to love. And when you were in the hospital, when things were really, really bad, I thought…”
I couldn’t say it. It was too horrible to admit to him.
His beautiful, sad eyes shone with unshed tears, and I hated myself for even opening that can-of-worms. “You’re not going to hurt me, Sophie. Please, finish your thought.”
I was going to hurt him. “I thought about leaving. About just walking away from you.”
He didn’t say anything.
“There is something broken in me, Neil! I can’t find it to fix it, but it’s there, and I know that everyone can see it. They can see the broken thing in me, and they know…” I sobbed so hard my chest hurt. My nose and eyes ran, but I didn’t wipe my face now. I was paralyzed by the pain of my own admission. “They know I can’t be loved. Not even by my own fucking parent.”
He moved fast, wrapping me in his strong arms, crushing me against him tightly, as though he could squeeze the sadness out of me.
“No,” he said, his tone brooking no argument. “There is nothing broken in you, Sophie. And certainly nothing that makes you unlovable.”
“I’m a horrible person,” I sobbed against his chest.
His big hand cradled the back of my head. “You are not a horrible person. You did something incredibly difficult, taking on my life when I was at my lowest. You may have thought about leaving, but you didn’t. That’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you not like him at all.”
“But I ruined Holli’s life.” I sniffled. “You said Deja would never work in New York again. They’re totally fucked. They’re getting married.”
“It wasn’t my finest moment,” he admitted. “I was hurt. I like Deja, and I like Holli. I felt rather personally betrayed, and I lashed out. But I have no intention to pursue any kind of retribution.”
“Great. So Holli hates me for no reason.” I looked up at him. “Well. Almost no reason. I still ruined her life.”
“Deja lost her job because she endangered it. Not you.” He brushed a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “If you had come home, and you hadn’t told me, how would you feel right now?”
I shrugged. “I would feel normal. Keeping important stuff from the people I love is pretty much normal for me.”
“And when it all came to light, when your guilt was too much to bear and you told me… How would you feel then?”
“I would feel…pretty much exactly like I do now.” Damn. I hated when his logic and reason gave me a reason not to hate myself. “But worse, because I kept it from you for so long.”
“You were put in a situation where you were damned no matter what. And that isn’t fair, but as I’m sure you are already aware, life is very rarely fair.” He stepped back. “Let me go get you a cold cloth for your face. Otherwise, you’ll complain all night about your puffy eyes.”