Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 73556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
“You ain’t no black sheep.”
“I appreciate that, but in some ways I actually am. I still don’t care what folks think of me, although maybe I should from time to time. I don’t care about much.”
“You care about your career. You always loved money.”
“I’ve been thinkin’ about that, lately. Tryna get another promotion ’nd all. I think money makes me feel protected. Comfortable.”
“That’s ’cause you grew up dirt poor.”
“Yeah, I ain’t never have it, and now that I do, I never want to risk this feeling of security going away. At least, that’s what I think is going on.” He shrugged. “That’s the only reason why I don’t fall into my old ways. Not out of nobility or morals… but because I like my freedom and my lifestyle.”
“Well, that’s awfully self-aware of you, I suppose.” Daddy chuckled. He smiled back.
“I’ve done a lot of things that were wrong, and I knew they were wrong before I done them, while I done them, and after I done them. Now, I’m just glad a few folks believed in me and gave me another chance to prove I was worth a damn. I finally have a good career, a nice place to live, and the life I always wanted.” Is it the life I’ve always wanted? I’m still not sure. Something is missing. I’ll say that I’m fine, anyway. Wouldn’t want Daddy thinking otherwise.
“I’m proud of you, Roman. The way you’ve turned your life around is something impressive.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” It meant a lot to him to hear those words, far more than he realized. Daddy didn’t pass out compliments often. He could feel his chest warming, and that sensation spreading throughout his body.
“You say you have the life you always wanted, huh?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Where’s your wife then? The babies? Where’s your family? You’re going to be thirty-six soon. By your age, I had two sons, we’d lost a baby, and I had started truckin’.” So now I must explain my lie, with another lie. Daddy knows I’m full of shit. It doesn’t matter; I’ll talk my way out of this the way I talk my way out of everything else.
“Daddy, you’re old-fashioned. Not everyone wants to be married and have a bunch of kids. I prefer bein’ single. I mean, I don’t mind a girlfriend, but marriage? Naw. She’ll do me like Fanny did Jordan—take everything and run off with the pool boy,” he joked.
“I guess in some ways I am a little old-fashioned, and I know some folks want to be single and childless, and that’s their right, but not you.”
He was casually amused at such a statement. “I know what I want and don’t want.”
“I don’t know much, but I know my children. I know your hearts. That’s probably the only thing you’re afraid of, Roman.”
“I ain’t afraid of commitment, if that’s the road you’re trying to drive down. I ain’t afraid of marriage, either. It’s just not for me. That’s a beautiful thing, nothin’ for me to be afraid of. I understand it and see why some folks want that lifestyle.” He scanned his phone and read a text message from work, then said, “I put a nice chunk of money in your account.” He placed his phone down.
“Thank you. I didn’t say you were afraid of commitment, marriage or kids. I’m sayin’ you’re afraid to trust. You don’t trust most people, Roman, and you damn sure don’t trust women.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He glanced leisurely at his watch. “We don’t have much time left so I better—”
“Damn… you don’t remember, do you?”
“Remember what?”
“The awful thing you said to your mother when she got you out of foster care?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Daddy leaned back in his chair, scratching the side of his head as his gaze pierced right through to his soul.
“Your mother and I weren’t officially divorced yet, and we were tryna see if we could reconnect. Of course we had to be discreet about it, considerin’ we’d lost our children to the system, and I wasn’t supposed to be in the house or near y’all. One night I come over there, and she was cryin’ her eyes out. I asked her what the matter was, thinking it was something I had done as was usually the case, but she said it wasn’t me at all. She looked me square in the face and said you really hurt her. I remember it, because I had never seen your mother so upset, and I’d never heard of you being so verbally ruthless to her before. I asked you about it way back then, and you admitted you’d said it.”
“You’re beatin’ around the bush, but if she’s talking about that time I called her an ‘asshole,’ and another time, a ‘hag,’ I apologized for it several times! I hardly doubt that was worth havin’ a come to Jesus moment.” He scoffed. “Lord have mercy, I was only like, thirteen, Daddy, and she grounded me for a month for something that Dakota did, but I got blamed for it because I was considered the bad son of the three of us.”