Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Instinctively, I put my arm around Pearl and pulled her in for a hug.
“What are you doing?” she asked, sounding a little bemused. “They’re all waiting.”
“Yeah,” I said, letting her go and feeling a little silly. “Right.”
We headed up toward the main group and were introduced one by one to the overwhelming number of people from her family who had come for the wedding. There was her dad, Earl. He skipped straight past introductions and managed to get me into a several-minute conversation about the finer points of grilling the perfect hamburger. Eight minutes per side, no seasoning except salt, and, he explained, the true secret recipe was to not over-work the meat mixture. He also said it was essential to make your own blend of beef, skipping those store bought packs.
I didn’t really know much about grilling hamburgers, so I nodded along and took his word for it.
Then I met Merrick, Pearl’s older brother. He looked like he was a woodsman with a long brown beard and stern features with a thick build. He gave me a crushing handshake and grunted a few words of greeting, followed by a not-so-subtle suggestion to take good care of his sister. His wife was a small blonde woman who was very pregnant and very distracted by their two little boys running circles around her.
After Merrick came some aunts, uncles, and extended family. One branch of the family was very Southern.
The two standouts were Curtis and Lane, a pair of blonde-headed men in their early twenties. They both wore cowboy boots, concerningly tight jeans, and had plaid shirts tucked in just enough to reveal oversized belt buckles. Curtis was more wiry and bird-faced while Lane was thicker with the most freckles I’d ever seen on a human being’s face.
They both pulled me aside, leaving Pearl to give me an apologetic but encouraging smile, like she had known this was going to happen.
“Now listen here,” Curtis said once he’d taken me off a few yards from the group. “Now” sounded more like “nayow” and “here” was “Heyear”.
“I’m listening,” I said.
“Pearl is our baby cousin,” Lane said. The accent was just as thick as his brother’s. “She likes her bread with butter and her tea with sugar, you understand me?”
I raised my eyebrows, then narrowed my eyes. I wasn’t sure if this was some sort of trick question, but I decided to simply nod my head and say, “yes”.
Curtis gave my chest a little poke and glared at me. “And if’in I find out you cheated on our girl like that Eric feller? Whooo, boy.”
Lane spat on the ground noisily, then tucked his thumbs in his pockets. “That chicken fart was about as useful as a gas station tanning bed.”
Curtis responded with a noisy spit of his own.
I moved my eyes between the two of them, then decided to spit on the ground as well.
Both of them exchanged a look, then nodded in some southern flavor of approval.
“I’ll treat Pearl right. Don’t worry about that,” I said.
The brothers gave each other one more look, then seemed to decide the interrogation phase was over. They both broke into a smile that was a few teeth short of complete and clapped me on either shoulder. “Yer alright,” Curtis said.
“Look like a fuckin’ city-humpin Ken doll, though. Sheee!”
“Sheee!” Curtis agreed, laughing in a high pitched, hitching sort of way.
I found myself smiling, even though I was pretty sure a city-humping Ken doll wasn’t high praise.
Once the Alabama brothers decided I was finished, I was allowed to rejoin the group and enjoy some of the food that seemed to keep getting passed around.
The night seemed to fly by. Fairhope residents kept coming by and offering us little bite sized burgers, pastries, plastic cups of coleslaw and macaroni salad. There was also a steady supply of fruity drinks spiked with alcohol, lemonade, and coolers full of sodas and water bottles.
Pearl’s entire family spent a great deal of time asking us about our relationship. Several of them admitted they weren’t entirely sure I was real, but the overwhelming sentiment was they were glad to meet me and beyond happy to see us together.
By the time things were winding down and people had started to head back to turn in for bed, I felt the combined weight of expectations pushing down on me. Her mom was bad enough, but her dad was rooting for us, too. Her scary sister even seemed to want it to work. Then there were the Alabama brothers, who I suspected might kidnap me, tie me up, and drive me out to make me disappear in the mountains somewhere if I ever hurt Pearl.
Most of all, I was struck by how much I could feel them all hoping Pearl wouldn’t get hurt this time. I could see why. I’d only watched her go through one ugly breakup and it had made me want to drop everything to protect her–and this was when she was a total stranger. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I think that was part of why I’d suggested what I suggested.