Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 104151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
I turned my back to him, gazing up at the dark sky. “I’m so very sorry. Josh experienced unimaginable pain because of me. Then you saved my life, and it’s unfair of me to ask you for more, but I’m doing it anyway. Take me with you.” I faced him again. “I’ll get a job and pay my part. I’ll make all the meals and do laundry. I’ll sew Halloween costumes and stay with Josh while you hunt. I’ll read George Bernard Shaw and learn about the inversion function of cosine. Just … take me with you.”
A painful laugh bubbled from his chest to accompany his sad smile. “Oh, baby.” He framed my face. “I would never forgive myself if I said yes and you, in fact, didn’t learn arccosine.”
I laughed through the pain. “Please, Kyle,” I whispered, holding my emotions inside as best as possible.
He kissed me and murmured, “I won’t leave without saying goodbye.” And then he walked away.
“Don’t say goodbye!” I yelled.
He stopped.
“Don’t say goodbye. I don’t want your goodbye. I want you. And I want Josh. But you don’t want me. You have no horse. No armor. No honor. You don’t know how to play chess. You don’t know how to love me. You stand at this fence because you want to be near me. Well, fuck you. It’s not all about you. If you walk away, don’t come back. Don’t look back. Don’t say my name. Don’t even think about me. I told you I wouldn’t be anyone’s regret.”
He tucked his hands into his pockets and continued to walk away.
I squeezed through the fence and ran inside. Then I kicked off my boots while holding my hand cupped over my mouth to muffle my sobs.
Someone touched my shoulder, and I jumped. Gabby had a glass of water in her hand, hair messy, nightshirt hanging off one shoulder. When she saw my tears, she set the glass on the floor and hugged me.
“He-he’s l-leaving without m-me …” I whispered between soft sobs.
She stroked my hair. “I’m sorry, Eve.”
CHAPTER FORTY
BILLY OCEAN, “THERE’LL BE SAD SONGS”
Eve
“Cheer up, my beautiful girl,” Grandma Bonnie said, wrapping her arm around me as I flipped the gingerbread pancakes on the griddle Christmas morning.
I tried to smile.
“What’s keeping you here?” she asked, removing the cranberry muffins from the pans and arranging them into a basket.
My mom and sisters were setting the table, and my dad and Sarah’s boyfriend were huddled by the wood-burning stove, drinking coffee.
“He doesn’t want me,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t believe that.”
“He said it’s not our time. That means he doesn’t want me.”
“When did he say that?” she asked.
“A couple weeks ago.”
“He’s scared.”
I shrugged. “Well, I want to be with someone who’s not afraid, so his loss.”
She chuckled. “Indeed.”
I didn’t mean it. I wanted to be with him whether he wanted me or not. I wanted to be with Josh. I wanted Clifford.
A messy life.
New adventures.
Fights that ended in passionate kisses where he called me out on my stubbornness.
I wanted the teasing and flirting.
Winks and whispered song lyrics.
“Let’s eat,” Mom said, taking the plate of pancakes as soon as I slid the last few onto it.
Dad said the Christmas morning prayer, thanking God for bringing his family together, for taking care of me in my troubled times, and for His unconditional love. I smiled on cue, barely registering the conversation about Sarah’s life or Grandma’s griefs with the nursing home.
“Have you talked to Fred?” Gabby asked. And she never asked about Fred, nobody did except Mom.
Dad blotted his mouth with the napkin and cleared his throat. “I talked to him yesterday and wished their family a Merry Christmas.”
“They’re not visiting Kyle and Josh for Christmas?” Gabby kept quizzing him.
Mom eyed Dad. Sarah eyed me. And I shot my gaze to Grandma who seemed more interested folding her bacon before taking a bite than paying any attention to us.
“No. They’re with his parents for Christmas. But everyone will be together for New Year’s after they move back to Colorado,” Dad said without actually saying Kyle’s name. “Sarah, are you still attending the same church in Nashville?” He changed the subject.
Sarah bowed her head and murmured a quick, “Mm-hmm,” while cutting her pancake.
She wasn’t going to church. I almost felt sorry for my father for believing her. The only prayer Sarah did on Sundays involved screaming God’s name with an orgasm.
I wanted to go to that church too.
“Didn’t you get Josh a Christmas present?” Gabby asked me.
I was ready to throttle her. We’d been on good terms. She was on my team. What was happening?
I cleared my throat and offered everyone’s expectant gazes a stiff smile. “Yeah, I did. I’ll probably run it over later.” And by run it over, I meant I was going to set it on the porch step and run away so I didn’t have to see Kyle.