Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46858 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46858 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
It’s like he’s looking through me, like he knows I’ve been waiting all day to get home from the restaurant so I can text with Eli. We sent a few throughout the day, little check-ins, but we haven’t spoken properly since last night.
Since I told him no, he couldn’t come around. Since I ignored the impulse deep within, yelling at me to tell him, yes, to tell him to come to me, to take me.
“Either way, it’s your achievement,” I say.
He glances at his phone when it buzzes on the table.
“Expecting a text?” I ask, knowing this is peak projection.
I felt my phone vibrate about ten minutes ago, but Hudson and I have been talking and I didn’t want to be rude…and I also didn’t want him to see the way my expression would shift, becoming affection-filled and obsessive the moment I see Elias’ name.
“I mentioned to Tina I might be able to meet up with her tonight.”
“Tina…as in, your high school girlfriend?”
He’s got a dreamy sort of smile on his face. “We’ve been talking.”
“I think that’s great,” I tell him. “I don’t think you ever should’ve broken up with her, honestly. But you know my feelings about that.”
He sighs, nodding. “That’s the thing, sis. When you’re young, you think you’re missing out on something. You think you have to date around, play the field…or maybe that was just me. But I’ve done it, dated a bunch of women, and it’s done nothing for me. It’s all just…I don’t know, quick, meaningless. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” I say, far too quickly, thinking of Elias. “I’ve never wanted any of that.”
“My advice to you, if you find someone you really care about, someone you think maybe you want to settle down with…hold onto them.”
I almost reply directly to this, but my thoughts are brimming too fiercely with Elias, with how perfectly Hudson’s words apply to us.
“You’re not old, by the way,” I say, trying for a smile.
“Huh?”
“You said you wanted to play the field when you were young. But you’re only twenty-two.”
He chuckles, but there’s a dark edge to it. “Well, I feel old. I guess certain things age you.”
I reach over and take his hand, knowing he’s talking about mom and dad. “Go and spend some time with Tina. You deserve it.”
He gives my hand a squeeze. “Once this trial period’s over, you’ll be able to halve your hours at the restaurant. You’ll have more time for your studies.”
I gasp. “Hudson, you can’t….”
“Don’t look so shocked. I’ll be earning a lot more. In that case, it doesn’t make sense for you to walk around like a sleep-deprived zombie.”
Hope flutters through me. “We’ll talk about it after the trial period. But thank you.”
He earned it, Eli’s text reads.
I’m lying in bed, on my back, my body trying to drag me to sleep, but my mind is buzzing with energy just to read my man’s words.
I wouldn’t have given him the job if he didn’t deserve it. I want to help you both any way I can, but it wouldn’t be fair to the kids to hire somebody who was incapable. I’m confident he’ll pass the trial period.
I think he will too, I reply. You don’t know how much this means to him.
He made it clear how thankful he was. He’s a good man. But I have to admit, I felt like a liar just a little. I didn’t outright tell him there was nothing going on between us. But it’s not like he asked.
I swallow, thinking of the day he finds out. We’ll have to be careful with how we tell him.
I leave out the part where I ask what we’ll tell him, that my math tutor and I have been texting.
We’ve kissed once. We’ve shared more emotion over the phone, with words, than I have with any man ever.
I understand. Della, I’m aching to see you. To be alone with you. I know you don’t want to rush things, and neither do I. I want our first time to be special.
Our first time. It takes away some of the pressure, knowing he’s never done it before either, knowing we’ll be going through it together.
I want to see you too. I wish you were here.
I’m starting to feel like a gunslinger with my finger primed over the trigger every time I type out a message like this, willing myself to send it.
I know it could lead to us being together….
It provokes butterflies that the cliched type people talk about in their bellies. Except mine have got razors for wings, and they’re slicing me up.
I press send, then bite down, waiting for his response.
Give me your address. I’ll drive over there right now.
I think about Hudson, out with Tina. They’re going for a few drinks, then to a club, and Hudson even mentioned that I shouldn’t wait up, meaning he might not be home tonight. It would be nice to have company here, especially my man, with his warmth and his firmness.