Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131209 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 437(@300wpm)
The beauty that someone spent time creating… disappeared, in the blink of an eye. Although, it didn’t take away the desire for someone to be back the next day to build them again. Just so someone could see it.
That was Brooke.
I wasn’t proud of what I had done to her. The way I treated her was one of the worst things I had ever done to anyone. It made me sick to think about it. I wish I could tell you that if I had a chance to go back, I would have changed things. The truth is I probably wouldn’t have. That realization was a hard pill to swallow.
We learned from our mistakes, however, to me… she would never be one of them.
I hated knowing that I had hurt her in a way that was unforgivable. I didn’t want to be that man. It put me on the same playing field as my father, and that gutted me. I was hurt and I was confused, which is a deadly combination for anyone. Especially, a man like me.
I was tired.
I was exhausted.
Of life…
Of love.
Of the things we couldn’t change, but wished we could. Everything happens for a reason, it leads us to where we’re supposed to be.
It brings us home.
I truly believed that. I always had, but in that moment… I didn’t know what was real, and what was fiction.
That scared me more than anything.
I always thought I was in control when I was with Brooke. Every second of every day, we had spent together.
I wasn’t.
Neither one of us were.
We were both like the waves, taking down the beautiful creations in our paths. Maybe we were doomed from the start.
Can two broken people really heal each other?
We hoped that it wouldn’t matter, but it did. It overshadowed the beauty that was us.
What did I expect?
I knew what she did for a living. I knew what I was getting myself into. She never lied to me. From day one she told me she was a VIP. We weren’t exclusive. There were no rules, promises, or expectations to whatever we were doing. And it took for me to feel alone for the first time in my life, to realize that I was wrong.
An eye for an eye.
I hurt her so she could feel what it was like when she hurt me. I was no better than her. No better than any man who would treat a woman the way I had.
I was just as lost as she was. Pretending I knew my way home.
I didn’t.
I still don’t.
I wanted a home with her. I wanted the fairytales that I told my baby sisters over the years. The happily ever after that I promised they would get.
They did.
I was the one still living in the past. Unable to forgive myself for the sins I believed I had committed. I wasn’t the villain in that scenario; I was the hero.
How did it take me this long to figure that out?
I sat there all night, thinking, reminiscing, and forgiving…
Myself.
Brooke.
Our actions, the consequences.
Our beginning, our ending.
I watched the sunrise with fresh eyes, even though I hadn’t slept. The start of a new day cleansed my soul.
However, old habits die hard. Anytime anger, hurt, and confusion are involved, they’re a deadly combination that could destroy anyone, if it goes uncontrolled. And I had yet to learn that…
I picked myself up and went home.
“Mommy,” Ethan yelled, running to her as she walked through my living room.
“Hey, baby, oh my God you’re getting so big, Ethan, I’m not going to be able to carry you much longer.”
He laid his head on her shoulder. “No,” he giggled.
She placed him back on the ground, and he went back to playing with his cars. We both stared at him for a few minutes, enjoying his innocence. If only things could be that easy.
She looked over at me and sighed. “You look like shit.”
I smiled. “Always such a conversationalist.”
“Are you even sleeping?”
I shrugged.
“I told you, Devon, I warned you.”
“Christine…”
“She’s always been like that. She’s a broken girl. She doesn’t know how to be any other way.”
“Yeah…”
“When’s the last time you saw her?”
“A month or so ago, it doesn’t matter. We’re over. I don’t even think we ever began. It was a mistake on both our parts,” I explained, leaning onto the arm of my couch.
“Alexis said you went on a date.”
I laughed. “I wouldn’t call it that. She kept badgering me. You know how she gets. I finally just said yes to shut her up.”
“How did it go?” she asked, folding her arms on her chest.
“I’m not ready. She was nice.”
She nodded, understanding.
“I know it’s over… Brooke and I. It’s going to take me some time to move past things, especially with the way we ended it. Or I ended it,” I clarified. “We were wrong for each other from the start, and I can’t really blame her. I knew what I was getting myself into.”