Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 85277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85277 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
The doorbell rings, and I let the caterer in while we go upstairs to get dressed so we can leave the caterers to do their thing while we get pampered.
Even Gabe comes along for the fun. Well, not fun for him, but he pretends.
Once we get home, we all rush upstairs to change with only twenty minutes to spare.
I hurry into my room and pull out my white skirt that is tight to the knees with pleats all the way around. I pair it with a tight brown spaghetti-strapped camisole that molds to my boobs, and my brown strappy wedges.
“Umm, Lauren? I think you should see this,” I hear Kaleigh say at the same time the doorbell rings. I spray my perfume on and rush downstairs, where my parents have just walked in with all of their friends arriving at the same time.
“Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.” I greet them with a hug.
“Thank you, dear,” Mom says, hugging me in return.
“Please, everyone, come in. I had the backyard set up for our brunch.” I point the way to the backyard. Kaleigh, who has changed and is now wearing a pretty, pink sundress—with a bra, I might add—rushes over to me.
“I think you need to see outside before everyone else does.” she says with her teeth clenched, which confuses me.
“What are you talking about?” I ask and then the doorbell rings again. I go to answer it before Kaleigh does. I open the door to be greeted by a guy holding a huge chocolate bouquet.
I gasp out in shock when I see that all of the chocolates are made of penises and the pail holding them is adorned with a huge pink bow. “I have a delivery for Lauren,” he announces, looking at the clipboard in his hand.
“I…” I stutter while he pushes the pail into my hands. “I didn’t order these.” I look down and see that there are both white chocolate ones and milk chocolate ones, all on white sticks. I shake my head, my throat getting dry. He walks to his truck that is parked in the driveway and comes back with two more pails. “I don’t want this,” I say to him, but he’s just a delivery guy, so he just smiles and leaves.
“Oh my god,” Kaleigh says from beside me. “Don’t freak out.” She looks at me.
“Why would I freak out?” I ask right when my mother yells from outside.
I walk past the caterers, who are still preparing. When I walk into the backyard, my eyes survey the scene as my mouth hangs open at what I see.
I look at the white tables I ordered that are all set up with the turquoise tablecloths I requested. The little glass vases holding the white flowers in them just like I ordered in the center of each table. Except there are also bouquets of balloons—all white and turquoise, each one stamped with a penis.
Now, as if that isn’t bad enough, there are also approximately fifty two-foot tall pink, penis-shaped helium balloons. The penis has a smile on the head and a blue bow around the shaft. They are all floating around the yard.
“Oh my god, oh my god!” I cry, looking over to see that there are penis straws in all the glasses. The table in the corner that I set up for the cake is now filled with cupcakes with little penis cake toppers.
“Dear, what is this?” my mother asks me with a forced smile on her face. My father is holding a glass of scotch, which he is sipping, mind you, through a penis straw.
“I didn’t order this. They made a mistake.” I look around, making sure everyone hears me.
One of the servers walks by with the chocolate penises. Of course, my mother grabs one before she even realizes what it is.
“Grammy, why are you eating a chocolate willy?” Rachel asks. “Look, Momma! It’s just like Gabe’s willy!” She grabs a balloon and runs over with it.
I look over at the guests, who are all snickering at this point. “Surprise!” Kaleigh yells. “You guys are in for a treat!”
Mom’s best friend, Sarah, comes up to me. “I love it, it’s very liberating. And fun,” she giggles as she takes a sip of her drink through her own penis straw.
I am completely and utterly humiliated, and I’m about two seconds away from sobbing in the middle of my backyard. The song “It’s My Party And I Can Cry If I Want To” is playing on repeat in my head. Tears well up in my eyes.
I’m about to have an epic meltdown, and we didn’t even serve the meal yet. I hear a knock on the side gate and in walk, or should I say saunter, Austin and his friend Noah.
Austin looks like sin on a stick. He’s dressed in blue jeans and a linen button-down shirt rolled up at the sleeves. His silver Rolex on his wrist, and his gold aviator glasses on his face. A dusting of two days’ worth of stubble gives him an edge. “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to crash your party,” he says with a megawatt smile on his face.