Total pages in book: 13
Estimated words: 12255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 61(@200wpm)___ 49(@250wpm)___ 41(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 12255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 61(@200wpm)___ 49(@250wpm)___ 41(@300wpm)
She started crying and wringing her hands as she uttered those words again.
“How?” It was all I could get out; she was on the pill weren’t those things supposed to work?”
“I’m sorry…I knew you would send me away even after I told you I didn’t want to…I…”
“Wait a minute what are you saying?”
She just stared at me so frightened; I haven’t seen that sad look on her little face since the day of her dad’s funeral. My heart hurt for a minute, I never wanted to see that look on her precious face again never thought I would.
“I know you’re gonna hate me now but it was the only way, I’m sorry.”
She broke down in tears as I sat there taking it all in; was she saying what I think she’s saying? That she did this on purpose? My heart picked up speed as my mind raced. When my mind cleared and I heard her heart breaking sobs I got up and went to her.
“Shh, shh, baby come on.” I didn’t know what I was going to do but I did know I couldn’t just leave her like this.
Picking her up I sat with her on my lap soothing her until she calmed a little.
“It’s going to be okay sweetheart I’ve got you.”
She was having my baby that was the one thought that kept playing over and over again in my head. I’m going to be a father, fuck; I didn’t know how to feel, I wasn’t upset not really. My biggest worry was her; what was this going to do to her life?
“Baby why did you do it?”
“Because I want to stay with you but you wouldn’t listen to me, you kept insisting that I have to go away to school.”
“Baby I just wanted what was best for you, I want you to have choices.”
“But that’s my choice I want to be here with you I don’t want to leave you please don’t make me.”
“It’s okay we’ll figure it out, I am mad at you though, you shouldn’t have done this, you took my choice away from me just as you’re accusing me of doing to you how is that fair?”
She held me tighter as I caressed her hair gently; my sweet girl is going to be a mom.
I chose not to bring it up anymore for the rest of that day since it seemed so upsetting to her and she relaxed enough to make dinner with me but didn’t seem to have much of an appetite. It was only as we were cleaning up that I realized what an ass I’d been. She had made this choice yes but she must be so scared, nineteen and pregnant. Not that that was so bad but she’d done it for all the wrong reasons because I’d backed her into a corner in her mind. Instead of reassuring her I’d accused, I looked at her now as she loaded the dishwasher, so forlorn. I had a lot to think about, no I didn’t like the way she’d done this but it was already done there was no going back. I could either hurt her by fighting it or I could accept it. Problem was I wasn’t sure how I felt; I wasn’t prepared for fatherhood hadn’t given it much thought. I was in love with her that much I knew but I couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed that she had taken the choice away from me, that she’d made that decision for both of us. A decision that would change both our lives.
That night I needed some time to myself to think, I didn’t want her to see it as rejection, in her vulnerable state who knew what was going on in her head? So I didn’t turn her away from my bed but I didn’t join her there either.
“I have some things to take care of in my office you should get some sleep.” I saw the hurt in her eyes as I turned and walked away, this was the first night that I wouldn’t be making love to her that she wouldn’t be falling asleep in my arms.
Chapter 8
Alone in my office I held a glass of bourbon as I played my life over and over again in my head. I’d ran away from this place as fast as my feet would carry me almost seventeen years earlier. I’d wanted to taste life in the big bad world, wanted to know something more than these fields and this small town existence. Then things had changed drastically that had brought me back here; now with this new development I was stuck here again. But did I ever really have another choice before the baby? Would I have ever been free of the ranch? Yes I could’ve hired someone to run it for me but would I have ever done it? Who knows, now I’ll never know, and what about fatherhood? That was the biggest commitment I’ll ever make in my life, a responsibility that never ends. Was I ready for that? Was she? All these questions bombarded me as I sat there in the dark alone with my thoughts.