Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 82214 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82214 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
That seemed to make her think. She leaned forward on her fist again, her eyes back in that thinking place that made my mouth water. Christie looked so confident like that, so sure of what she was thinking. Like whatever came out of her mouth next could be the next quote on a muted background. I just had to give her the space to think it up.
It didn’t take long. “Would you say the nervous you is the real you or the calm you?”
“Wouldn’t they both be me?”
A ghost of a smile played on her lips but didn’t quite make it. “I feel like two people sometimes.”
“How’s that?”
She eyed me up and down. “You want to know, or you’re just continuing the conversation?”
I shrugged. “If you want to tell me, I wanna know. Is it a secret?”
“Maybe. You can’t judge. Or make fun of me.”
“I swear.” I lifted my hands in a placating gesture, and when that didn’t convince her, I drew an X over my heart. “I really won’t.”
Christie nodded slowly and placed her fork down. It had just occurred to me that she was eating her burger with a fork, and I’d missed my chance to give her crap about it. Another time.
She brushed off her shirt, which was clean already. “Okay, well, what I meant was, at the bar ...”
“When we met?”
She nodded. “I was serious when I said I hadn’t had a one-night stand before.”
I tried to remember her saying that and couldn’t but nodded anyway so she’d continue.
“Before that, I had all these ideas of what I wanted—for myself, for my future, for my relationships . . .”
I tried not to smile when I said, “Did I open up your horizons?”
She sent me a hot glare that didn’t have the intended effect. I shifted in my seat, trying to calm the storm that brewed below. What was it with this woman?
“I just realized that I wasn’t as form-fitted to my standards as I thought. But at the same time, I wanted to meet my own expectations.”
I hadn’t expected to relate to her story but nodded slowly as I realized how alike we really were. “You ever wonder if your expectations are the thing keeping you from being who you really are?”
She searched the table, her eyes moving quickly as she bit the inside of her lip in thought. “But I want to succeed. I want to do big things.”
“And doing what you enjoy will get in the way of that?”
“Maybe? I don’t know. I just don’t want it to change me. Change my priorities.”
“What are your priorities?”
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. I knew where her question lay because I had that question with myself not long ago. Before the divorce, before I finally signed my life away, I had to decide what was most important to me. And it never was my job like Darlene thought, nor was it Darlene. I started to really miss James at that moment, and more than anything, I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. But if Darlene was taking action like she seemed, I had to get my shit together fast, starting with the few showings I had today.
“I guess …” Christie finally said, still not meeting my gaze. She shook her head. “Wow, I really don’t know.”
“What was your first thought?”
“Being successful. Work.” She scoffed. “But that sounded stupid.”
“It’s a start. You can prioritize work if you know not to get lost in it. Heck, I didn’t prioritize work, and apparently, I still got lost in it.” She looked up with a weak smile. “Find the job you want and ensure it’s the one you deserve. By the time you think you have things going for you, you will find something else.”
“I just hope it’s a good thing.”
I wanted to tell her that it would be, but who was I to know? Instead, I found myself wanting to ask her something, but I wasn’t sure how she’d respond.
“I always thought my family was my number one. I was making the money, so I put work first so they’d have it all. I never wanted to be in a bad place financially, you know? All those married couples fighting about money—I didn’t want that for us.”
She nodded.
“I just wanted us to be happy. But when we divorced, I found all these things I had been doing wrong. When we were married, those things were what I thought she wanted me to do.”
“Like starting the business?”
“Expanding it. We were fine with the two or three local crews I’d started up. Building up more kept me busy a lot, though, and that’s what she didn’t like. I get it now, but at the time, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to.”
“So what are your priorities now?” she asked, reminding me why I’d brought up the past at all.