Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 95187 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 476(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95187 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 476(@200wpm)___ 381(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
“Not yet.” Even if I privately agree with him, I refuse to do so verbally. It feels too much like giving in. My people are depending on me. Hope is already a nebulous thing, and giving it up without a fight means our deaths are a certainty instead of a probability.
Apparently I can lie when my moral compass calls for it.
I lead the way to my SUV and hold the door open for him. He raises his brows but for once makes no comment. He hauls himself up into the passenger seat. As I circle around the front of the vehicle to the driver’s side, it strikes me that so much has changed in forty-eight hours. I can’t allow myself to think about what happened in the bedroom, both the pleasure and the release of the pressure that seems to follow me around every moment of every day. Ever since I was forced into the title of Poseidon, I’ve had the weight of my corner of the world on my shoulders. There’s no one to share that burden with, and even if there were, my people depend on me. I’m the one who bears the title. Not someone else.
It never occurred to me that I might find something resembling a safe space with a partner. My past lovers have been about lust, no small amount of loneliness, and occasionally desperation—but never whatever this is. They all cared for me in their own way, the same way I cared for them, but I never felt cared for. Not in the way I did last night with Icarus.
I never should have put him in that position. He’s depending on me for his very survival, and I abused that power. I grip the steering wheel and stare out the windshield, guilt lashing me. “I’m sorry.”
Icarus is far too clever by half. He twists to face me and pokes my shoulder. “No, we’re not going to do that. The paladin act is very adorable but not when you use it on me.”
“It’s not an act.” Sometimes I wish it were. It would be nice to discard it when the pressure gets to be too much.
“Yes, I’m aware.” He pokes me again. “If I had told you to leave the bedroom the moment you walked in, what would you have done?”
I manage to tear my attention from the horizon to look at him. Fuck, he’s beautiful—and furious, his perfect brows drawn together and his eyes intense. I clear my throat. “What kind of question is that? I would’ve left. To do anything else—”
“Exactly.” He pokes me a third time. “So unless you want me to apologize for taking advantage of you when you were in a vulnerable emotional position…”
I shake my head sharply. “No.”
“Perfect. Then let’s stop this bullshit about apologizing for something neither one of us regrets and go deal with the siege Circe is laying on the city. Then we can figure out what Hermes is actually planning and deal with that, too.” He shifts his touch against my shoulder, gripping it, his fingers digging into my muscle once more, but this time with a specific intention.
I stare at him, unable to look away. How can he rivet me with just a single touch, a slight shift of tone? I don’t understand it and yet I respond to it instinctively.
Icarus smiles slowly. “And then, once all the boring and tedious responsibilities are taken care of, we can come back here and I’ll take you to bed properly.”
Take me to bed properly. I’m both terrified and elated to discover what that means. Last night rocked my world off its axis. Another night like that and I might not recognize myself in the morning. Impossible to say if that’s something I should dread or welcome with open arms.
I put the vehicle into gear and drive toward the shipyard. By the time we arrive, I still don’t have an answer to how I feel about his offer. Or rather, how I think I should feel. The truth is that I want nothing more than to turn the SUV around and haul him back to the house to have the promise of his words fulfilled. But that’s unacceptable. I have responsibilities. Not to mention, if we’re about to be at war—are already at war, no matter what the ridiculous vote says—then there’s no telling if I’ll actually make it home tonight at all.
Orion meets us at the shipyard headquarters, waiting for us the moment I step out of the car. They look as tired as I feel, the lines bracketing their mouth deeper than normal. “No updates.” They turn smoothly to fall into step next to me and Icarus as we head toward the stairway leading up to my office. “Aside from the meeting you had last night, there’s been no movement from any of the ships.” They don’t ask me for details, which is just as well. I still don’t know what to say about it.