Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 94915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Marrying Julien is supposed to be about getting my autonomy back.
About taking control of my life for once.
But last night, I didn’t feel in control. I felt myself slipping back into bad habits, and I can’t do that, not ever again. It’s not fair to me, and it wouldn’t be fair to Julien.
Worse than all that, Kim’s in the hospital because of my poor choices, and I owe it to her to process them and to do better, not to let my gorgeous, god-like husband get me off just so I don’t have to face my pain anymore.
No more. Never again. My marriage is a business arrangement, and I won’t use him as a crutch. That’s not right, not for him and not for me.
I’m going to do better, starting today.
“You know, breaking your pelvis isn’t so bad.” Kim looks at me through heavy-lidded eyes, a happy smile on her face. “I barely even remember getting hit by the car.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the Fentanyl talking.”
She laughs and waves me away. “No, can’t be.” She gestures down at herself. Half her body’s in a cast. “I mean, look at this beautiful outfit I’m wearing.”
“You look gorgeous.” I lean forward and brush hair from her face. Kim grins at me stupidly and turns her chin so she can kiss my fingers.
“Thank you, darling, I feel beautiful.”
Yep, my best friend is high as fuck.
And I’m grateful for that. Really, I am, and I know she’s got a long process ahead of her. I cornered the doctor and even though she wasn’t supposed to tell me anything since I’m not family, one of Julien’s men was lurking nearby and I guess the guard was sufficiently intimidating enough that the doc starts giving me the rundown.
Kim will need to stay in bed until her body heals. Then she’ll need constant physical therapy if she ever wants to walk normally again. There’s a strong chance she’ll be in a lot of pain during all this, which means opioids to make it manageable, which means addiction is a serious worry. Best-case scenario, she never gets hooked on the pills, consistently goes to therapy, and one day is able to hobble around with a walking aid like crutches or a cane.
I’m not sure how much she knows yet. I’m guessing the doctor talked to her, but she’s too drugged up to really understand what her future’s going to be like. It’s taking all my strength not to break down into tears at the thought of my beautiful, bubbly best friend unable to walk and in constant pain.
All I know is, I’m going to be here for her. No matter what, every single day, for as long as it takes, I’m going to be here.
And Julien’s going to pay for it all.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Kim says in a moment of lucidity. Her drugs are wearing off and she’s starting to get a little uncomfortable, but she doesn’t complain.
“I’m thinking I should get the nurse in here to give you some more of that happy stuff.”
Kim smiles and grabs my hand before I can stand up. “It’s not your fault.”
“Stop it.” I can’t look at her. “We don’t have to do this.”
“You didn’t make those guys hit me with their car.” She frowns, and I can tell she’s trying to remember what happened. “I knew the risks coming over. I should’ve been paying more attention when I was crossing the street.”
“Kim, they were trying to kill me,” I whisper, heart breaking into pieces. “That’s the only reason they were there.”
“Maybe, or maybe they were trying to kill your husband instead.”
“That doesn’t really make it any better.”
“It’s not your fault.” She squeezes my hand. “I mean it. You don’t have to get all self-deprecating on me, okay? You didn’t do it. You didn’t run me over, and you didn’t make it happen. It’s not your fault.”
“Okay,” I manage to choke out through my tears. I’m not going to argue with her, even though no part of me thinks she’s right.
“Good.” She releases me with a grimace. “Now, sit your butt back down.”
“Seriously, why don’t I get a nurse? I think you’re due for more painkillers.”
“In a little while. This is the clearest I’ve been since I woke up from surgery.” She leans closer toward me, a sly smile on her face. “How are things with your gorgeous husband? I hope you two aren’t fighting on my account.”
“Kind of the opposite, actually.” I sink into my chair with a groan. “We did stuff in the hot tub.”
“You did what?” She practically shrieks and tries to sit up, but lies back with a pained groan. When I try to get the nurse, she shakes me off. “No, wait, I want to hear about this stuff first. Please, Brianne, have mercy on me.”