Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 74450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
“But you’re not God. It doesn’t matter if you’re fine with it. Is God fine with it?”
“You’re not God either, Sebastian Bach, so who’s to say you’re right? You got some nerve being all self-righteous about this shit. I saw how your eyes lit up when you blasted Master to oblivion. You actually smiled, then laughed. Gun in ya hand just smokin’. Ask God If He was okay with you havin’ yo’self a gay ol’ time as you murked that mothafucka in cold blood. Now, I ain’t sayin’ God don’t approve of you defending yo’ ol’ lady. I reckon He does for we ’sposed to protect what’s ours, but that laughin’ and shit? Maybe not.”
Axel sucked his teeth, hating Legend with every fiber of his being. Perhaps it was because the man had made a valid point.
“I’m not comfortable with it. I guess that’s why it bothers me, Legend.”
“Maybe you are comfortable with it and that’s what really is bothering you, but your upbringing and morals are tellin’ you it’s wrong. I went through the same exact shit, until I realized that if I have to erase someone to protect myself and my sanity, then I’ll have at it. If to protect my family and you and Caspian means I gotta take somebody outta here, then so be it. I don’t give a fuck. It’s not about being evil or cold-hearted—it’s about understanding the nature of the beast and playin’ your part before YOU get played instead.”
“…I guess I’m just different. This is a struggle. It just feels… wrong. I understand that this may be my own issue, and you don’t have to worry about me breakin’ out of guilt or anything like that. I’d never jeopardize y’all that way, or myself for that matter, but yeah, it does bother me that I felt so comfortable erasing someone, as you put it, and not thinking about it. I mean, I slept completely fine the night after I killed that guy at the crime scene. Yeah, he tried to kill me first, but it was almost like it was second nature. Then, I made a trap for the second guy and got him, too. Again, I felt fine about it. That disturbed me the most.”
He closed his eyes and massaged his temples as he slipped down the rabbit hole. There were no carrots at the bottom of it. Just more darkness and mystery.
“Caspian and I are only different from you in one way, Axel. It took distress to unlock my shit, the bad parts of me, otherwise I probably would’ve ended up a square. But Caspian was born like this, man. It got compounded when trauma stepped in and made it worse. Much worse. We didn’t know him before his mother killed herself but from all accounts, he was the perfect little angelic child… except he was a bit OCD. Now you know that’s not normal. His Aunt Angel used to joke and tease him, talk about how when he was a baby, he needed all the doors open in the house. He would also organize his crayons in a specific way—the purple one always had to be first. Somethin’ was wrong with Caspian from jump, man. We accepted him AS IS because he was cool. He was smart as fuck. He understood us. He was the voice of reason when you and I would pop off on each other, too. We resented him when he left us, but we forgave him when he came back… ’cause he’s our brother. He’s true family.
“You were the everyday man folks could relate to. That cool under pressure, blue collar man who was all about family. No police record. Kept your nose clean. You presented as your average Joe when you were everything BUT. I was the hot head, party man and fun lover people craved to be, and be next to. I have star power. People like me because I’m funny and quick-witted, great to be around, but deep inside, I’m a fuckin’ monster. I hate some people, man, and I ain’t scared to admit it to you. Most people walkin’ this planet are pieces of shit. Now that I’m married and got a kid, I have to move a bit quieter, but it’s still in me. I’m a mothafuckin’ killa ’til the day I die. I’m not just out here takin’ folks’ life for no reason. That’s being a psychopath. I remove dirt and debris from the planet when necessary, and so do you. When you go to work, you erase traces of death. Consider this all the same. Ain’t no need for us to apologize for shit.”
Axel took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was living a nightmare, and yet, everything Legend was saying was true. An ugly truth, the kind he couldn’t clean up with his special disinfectants and strong bleaches. They were not like most other men, and there was just no way around it. They killed for good reason but relished it. Dare he say, loved it.