Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 65192 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 326(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65192 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 326(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
“ZeldaAndMario4Ever,” she whispers. “We were such nerds.”
“Yeah. I still am. I mean, you saw the name of my house.”
Her lips quirk. “Yeah, I would have made fun of you for naming your fancy mansion after the kingdom in The Legend of Zelda if I weren’t so pissed at the time.”
Wincing, I say, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve already said that, but I’ll say it a hundred times, a thousand, if it makes a difference. I never meant to hurt you, Jess. I swear I didn’t. I was just—”
“A control freak who thought you knew best?” she asks, cocking her head to one side.
“No.” I sigh. “I mean, yes, I am a control freak, but in this case, it wasn’t coming from a place where I thought I knew best. It was…fear. I was so afraid of fucking this up that I made a bunch of stupid decisions, and my fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Her expression softens. “I get that.”
“You do?” My heart lifts.
She nods. “I do. I think that’s what happened to me at Brain Chill. I was so afraid of failing that I pushed myself way too hard and waited too long to ask for help. Then I ended up crashing and burning way harder than I would have if I’d just admitted that I was struggling to lead my team and asked for new staff a few weeks in.”
“It’s an easy trap to fall into. Especially when you want something more than you’ve ever wanted anything before.” I almost reach for her hand, but stop myself, sensing that if there’s going to be a first move, she needs to be the one to make it. It’s time to give her control and trust she’ll know what to do with it. So, I settle for saying, “I meant everything I said in New Jersey. You are so important to me. I’d do just about anything for another chance to be the man in your life, but if that’s off the table… Then I just want you to be happy and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Even if that means you just want to be friends or…never want to see my face again.”
Pain flashes behind her eyes, making me hope she finds the thought as misery-inducing as I do, but she doesn’t respond right away. She inhales, exhales, and lifts the envelope, opening the cardboard flap to reveal the pictures inside.
A soft, reverent sound escapes her lips as she pulls out the stack of photos, running her fingertips over the faces of the two beaming kids dressed as aliens, with green paint smeared all over their faces. “Oh, wow, Sam. We were so little. I can’t believe we were ever that little.”
“Or green,” I tease. “Whose idea was it to join the Alien Days Beach Parade?”
“Yours, obviously. You’re the UFO freak,” she says, flipping to the next picture with another breathy laugh. “My thirteenth birthday. Dear Lord, I look even more like my mother’s clone. That was before I realized there were brands of khakis that didn’t make your butt look like a sack of potatoes.” She laughs again, pointing to my face. “And your poor little moustache.”
“I thought it was so cool,” I say with a shake of my head. “Used to shave it twice a day on weekends, hoping it would make it grow back thicker. If I’d only known how furry I would be as an adult, I would have relished every hairless day of my childhood.”
“I like you furry,” Jess says, sending my hopeful heart pinballing around in my chest as she continues to flip through the pictures, her grin growing wider with every shot until she reaches the final image and her smile fades.
For a beat, I’m afraid I’ve made a misstep. I consider snatching the picture and tossing it over the railing but push the fear away. I’m not going to let fear call the shots anymore, and there’s a reason I wanted her to see this shot.
It’s the two of us on the last day of coding camp our junior year. Jess is holding up the trophy she won for best story-based game design. I have my arm around her shoulders, but I’m not looking at the camera. I’m looking at her, beaming down at the girl I love with my heart in my eyes.
She looks up at me, recognition in her gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I must have been blind,” she says, holding up the picture with a crooked twist of her lips. “But I’m not blind now. I see it there and I see it now, but I…” She swallows. “I don’t know if I can trust you. Or myself.”
I step closer, gripping the brick wall like a lifeline. “Of course, you can trust yourself. And you can trust me, too, Jess. I swear it. I know I screwed up, but if you give me another chance, I won’t screw up again. I don’t see how I could. I literally have nothing to hide from you anymore. You already know all my secrets and I’m glad. I don’t want to hide things from you. I want to show you every part of me, and I want to know every part of you.”