Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 52319 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 209(@250wpm)___ 174(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52319 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 209(@250wpm)___ 174(@300wpm)
"Hi, Cormac." I grin at him, waving.
He winks at me, kisses Bella again, and then disappears from the frame.
My sister looks at me with wide eyes. "He's been doing that all day," she mutters. "It's driving me nuts."
"It's the new bra." I nod at her chest. "They're sitting pretty in that thing."
She glances down at her chest and snorts, rolling her eyes. "It's not the bra. It's the man. He's obsessed."
I giggle, not really surprised. You can tell by the way he looks at her that he's head over heels. It's kind of adorable.
"Start grabbing his junk every five minutes. He'll get the point."
"You clearly have not met him if you think that," she says and then she giggles too. "Maybe I'll do that anyway. Might be fun for me."
I groan, shaking my head. "I do not need to hear this."
"Fine. I won't tell you how awesome sex is." She smirks at me. "But just so you know…ten out of ten. Highly recommend."
"I…" I bite my lip, glancing down. Now is my chance to tell her the truth. I know how awesome sex is. I've been having it with Brantley every chance we get. But yet again, the words stick in my throat.
"Okay, that's it!" she cries. "What's going on with you?"
"What? Nothing," I lie.
"Uh-huh." She crosses her arms, glaring at me. "You're a terrible liar, Isla Marie Sterling."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Maybe it's not your business, did you ever think of that?" I snap, scowling at her. "Maybe whatever I'm not telling you has nothing to do with you and I don't want to share it."
"Fine, don't tell me."
"I won't."
"Are you done being a brat now?" she asks.
"Depend. Are you done trying to boss me around now?"
"I guess so."
"Then I guess I'm done being a brat."
We scowl at each other for a minute before she cracks with a sigh. "I'm not trying to boss you, Iz. And you're allowed to have secrets. I just worry about you, especially since I'm not there right now."
"I know," I whisper, feeling guilty all over again. "I just…I'm dealing with stuff." Stuff I'm afraid you're going to hate me for when I tell you. And I can deal with a lot, but I can't deal with you hating me.
"Just promise me that you'll tell me when you're ready?"
"I promise," I whisper.
"Good. What else have you been doing since we talked?"
"Not much. I had lunch with Marion yesterday."
"You're allowed to call her mom, Iz."
"I know. It just still doesn't feel right." I shrug. "Honestly, I'm not sure it'll ever feel right." I hesitate. "She asked about you."
Bella narrows her eyes on me. "What did you tell her?"
"Nothing," I promise. "You know I wouldn't do that." I promised Bella when I agreed to meet with Marion the first time that I wouldn't discuss her. She wants nothing to do with her, and I respect her decision.
Bella nods. "Did you have fun?"
"Not really. I don't know. It's like the more I get to know her, the more I realize I just…don't want to know her?" I shrug a shoulder, not sure how to explain it. "I think she regrets what she did. She's grown up and changed. But I guess I just feel like…maybe it's too late? I'm not sure. It just doesn't feel right."
In a way, it feels almost like she regrets her choices only because they ruined her life, not necessarily because they ruined ours. She's remorseful. She feels bad that she hurt us. She wishes she could take it back. But would she feel the same guilt if she hadn't spent years in prison? If she hadn't lost our dad? I don't think she would. She's lonely, desperate for a connection. But that isn't the same thing as love.
I've seen real love. We have a mom who loves us unconditionally. I've seen the way Brantley's mom loves him and how much guilt she carries because of what Bellamy did to them. She was a victim too, but she still carries so much guilt. Our mom was never a victim. She's the one who hurt us. Yet she doesn't carry even a tenth of the guilt Maureen Hill lives with. I saw it the day I met her. So sitting across from Marion yesterday was hard. Because I could see the difference. After meeting Brantley's mom, it was impossible not to see it.
Our bio-mom is trying to do the right thing, but I think she's trying for the wrong reasons. And I'm not sure I want to be a part of that.
"You don't have to see her," Bella says. "You don't owe her that."
"I know," I say quietly. "But it was never about her. It was about us."
My twin nods.
"It's boring here without you."
"Duh!" She laughs loudly.
My phone buzzes. I glance down at it, my heart leaping into my throat when I see Brantley's text.