Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
It was her turn to sob.
My arms twined around her; I held her exquisitely close.
I gave myself this moment of absolute surrender.
Victor wouldn’t know.
The one spot he couldn’t watch.
For a few stolen seconds, we were free.
And as Ily cried in my arms and purged this awful night onto my shoulder, I scattered kisses all over her, then signed my life over to hers. Sunshine filled my heart. The path I should’ve followed all along unravelled in blinding light.
I was ready to walk it.
Ready to repent.
Ready to be worthy.
“I’m yours, Ily. Every piece. Today, tomorrow, and always. Let’s play…”
Chapter Twenty-Five
………………………….
Ily
I DIDN’T WANT TO CRY.
I’d done everything I could to avoid such a thing.
I’d allowed Henri’s despair to nullify my own, grateful to be strong enough to put another before me. After a lifetime of looking after Krish and placing his needs before mine, I had a good crutch to lean on, convincing me I was okay.
Of course I wasn’t affected by Victor raping me.
It was just sex. Just a body. Just whatever…
Of course I wasn’t dying beneath constant fear of living in this place.
It was just a castle. Just monsters. Just another day…
Of course I wasn’t living in constant stress or misery or panic or horror or pain or worry or, or, or…
Of course not.
Of course—
Lies.
Pretend.
Coping mechanisms.
As Henri slowly climbed out of his ashes and the deadness in his eyes transformed into vicious life, he stole all my distractions. Tore apart all my careful lies and forced me to see just how much I wasn’t okay.
It’d been so long since I felt safe.
So long since I could take off my mask and be honest.
And as his arms came around me, cocooning me in a safe harbour, I folded inward, gave in, and let go.
Victor raped me.
I felt him. Even now. Inside me. Moving.
I cringed away.
I tried to run.
But my mind popped the corks of every moment I’d bottled up. Every horror I’d shrugged off and every sleepless night I’d shoved away.
It was too much.
I wasn’t alright.
I wasn’t.
I was afraid and lonely, lost and dying day by day.
My brave face for Peter and the jewels.
My determination not to let evil win.
I was exhausted.
Barely hanging on.
Drowning…
I hated Henri for showing me that.
Hated that I’d been so alone.
Hated how wonderful it was to suddenly have someone. Someone who threw up a shield between me and horror and kept me hidden just for a moment.
The past weeks unravelled, crushing me into tears.
Victor.
H-He raped me.
I didn’t watch.
But I’d felt it.
My body endured it.
He’d sullied me.
Defiled me.
Fucked me—
Nausea brewed hot in my stomach.
The urge to purge clutched around my throat.
I had a sudden commiseration for Henri and all the moments his system forced him to retch. It made sense. He had a lifetime of nightmares haunting him.
I only had one and it was enough to make me want to scream and scream and scream!
I cried harder.
I couldn’t stop.
God, I couldn’t stop.
“Ah, Ily…I’m sorry. So, so fucking sorry.” He rocked me, cradled me, treated me like spun sugar and gave me the sweetest kisses. He didn’t try to lick my tears. Didn’t growl at me to cease.
His strong arms wrapped tighter. His hard body supported mine.
Never in all my life had I felt so accepted, so cherished, so seen.
Never trusted someone enough to be so ugly and sad.
Just him.
This enemy turned twin flame.
My missing piece of my soul.
Victor’s grunts.
Victor’s thrusts.
Victor—
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Pulling away from Henri’s embrace, I tripped and grabbed his hand.
He arched an eyebrow as I dropped my towel and dragged him back into the shower. Hot water rained as I plastered myself to his perfectly trimmed chest and whispered around my tears. “I need you to erase him. Tonight. Right now.”
He cupped my cheek in worship. “I’ll do anything you want.”
I might love others.
I might need others.
But what I felt for him?
It was different. Just more. Just…everything.
“Tell me what you need.” He kissed me ever so softly.
The moment his lips touched mine, I flung my arms around his shoulders.
How could he make me feel so fragile and fearless at the same time?
How could I forgive him for everything just because he’d trusted me enough to break in front of me?
We’d allowed each other to see past all our defences, peer deep into our truths, and nothing frightened me anymore.
Not his past.
Not his needs.
Nothing.
Because I knew him.
I’d always known him.
And it’d taken me this long to recognise what he meant to me.
“Help me forget, Hen.”
He groaned into my mouth. “Having you call me that...goddammit, Ily.” Picking me up, he pressed me against the tiles and shuddered as I wrapped my legs around his hips.
I didn’t know if his erection was from wanting me or the Viagra, but the little voice in my head forced me to check I wasn’t doing to him what his father had done. “Wait…”