Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
“Do you want to talk about what happened the night of Topaz Tor—”
“Nope.” He rubbed his mouth. “Definitely not.”
I winced, remembering how we’d stood side by side on that dance floor.
How we’d climaxed at the same time to different Masters.
How he’d been dragged off by a Master named Wilson and Henri had carted me the other way.
Despite my wariness of telling him I loved him tonight, I’d told him during that game.
I’d given him what he asked for and…we hadn’t mentioned it since.
Rubbing the goosebumps on my arms, I shrugged. “We need to talk about it. It’s been awkward between us for weeks.”
He dropped his hand with a heavy huff. “Ily…please don’t.” Flinching, he watched a black-caped Master drift past our transparent wall of stardust. “I know what I asked you to do, and I know why you went along with me. I know it didn’t mean anything and…” He gave me the saddest smile all while his eyes glossed with grief. “We’re all good, jaanu. Seriously. I’m fine.”
The cavernous echo in his voice.
The aching despair.
Henri shot a look in our direction. He swayed toward me, his entire body bristling with protectiveness.
But I subtly shook my head.
We were safe.
We weren’t far.
And Peter needed me.
I owed my wonderful friend some company. Especially when his entire energy felt…empty.
Worse than empty…desolate.
Peter’s white outfit suddenly no longer looked like an earthbound angel but a shroud—grave clothes even while he still breathed.
Grabbing his hand, I squeezed. “Paavak, what is it? You’re scaring me.”
Running his thumb over my knuckles, he exhaled. He didn’t reply for the longest time but finally, he sniffed and gave a tattered laugh. “I told myself I wasn’t gonna do this. I’ve choked on the words since the day I fucking met you but…” Fisting my hand so hard it hurt, he groaned, “You know I’m in love with you, right?”
Everything dropped away.
The classical haunting music of Victor’s soiree.
The sensation of Henri watching us like a hawk.
“I don’t just love you, Ily,” he murmured. “I’m in love with you and fuck, I wish I wasn’t.”
Ego ordered me to deny it. To act surprised. To give him a semblance of dignity.
But…I couldn’t.
I’d never lied to him, and he’d never lied to me.
Even on that first day when he asked me to reveal myself, so he had a mental picture to cling to while he was being hurt, I’d sensed he felt something I didn’t.
I wished things could’ve been different and I had the power to make him happy.
But…I belonged to another, and it wouldn’t be fair.
To any of us.
Struggling for words, I opened and closed my mouth a few times, praying I said the right thing, but Peter beat me to it.
“You don’t have to say anything back.” He shot Henri a look. “I know how you feel about him. You only have to be in the same room as you two to feel it. To see it.” He chuckled painfully. “He’d literally kill himself for you and you…well, you’d bring him back to life because you can’t live without him. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you shared the same fucking heart and…I won’t deny that hurts. It hurts worse than all the whips, the rapes, the beatings. It hurts because I’ll never get to know what that feels like, and I’ll die before I’m ever loved in return.”
Stepping into him, I wrapped him in the biggest hug. “I love you, Paavak. I think I have for lifetimes. I’m yours as well as his. I’m just not the missing piece of your soul. But you will find her. I know you will. Of course you won’t die. She’s waiting for you outside this place. By next year, you’ll be free and healed and you’ll meet each other on the train or in the supermarket and she’ll take one look at you and just know.”
He gathered me to him, his heart thundering between us. “I love you, Ilyana Sharma.”
I dug my fingers into his back. “I know but you’ll love someone far deeper than me. When you find her, you’ll understand.”
Sniffing back grief, he murmured, “Do you know he said he’d step aside if you ever chose me?” He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Fucking bastard showed me in one sentence he wasn’t faking how he felt. He didn’t threaten me. Didn’t even tell me to back off.” He stepped away and rearranged some of the layers of my dress with tender fingers. “The fact that he put your own happiness above his own told me everything. He loves you, jaanu. So much. And…fuck, if I can see it, then everyone can.” He flicked a look at Victor who toasted Roland as a waiter topped up their wine goblets. “He can see it. He knows.”
Henri brushed aside the fabric, his eyes narrowing at how close we stood to each other. “Everything okay?” His hand twitched toward me, but he snatched it back.