Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
“Sure, baby girl. That’s fine.”
She dashes down the hallway. I kick off my wet shoes and head into the kitchen. I wish I had a glass of wine to help me relax, but that certainly wasn’t in the budget. I can’t think of the last time I had a couple of extra dollars to splurge on something that wasn’t a necessity.
I toss the landlord’s note on the table, a reminder my rent is two days overdue. I’ll have to call him tomorrow and let him know I’ll pay him this week. I try not to think too much about it; late notices and overdue bills are a part of this new life I live as a single mother. And if I think about it too much today on top of everything else, I’ll probably have a meltdown and I can’t afford to break down at this point either.
I grab some ground beef out of the refrigerator and start to make spaghetti. Everleigh loves it, so I hope that she’ll eat it. Her appetite hasn’t been good lately and it worries me. She’s so tiny to begin with. Our neighbor, Olivia, says she’ll eat when she’s hungry, but I’ll feel better when she’s eating again.
I try to keep my mind focused on the task at hand, but it’s hard. I’ve struggled all day to keep busy, to immerse myself in whatever I was doing, playing mental games with myself so I don’t think about the date.
The knob to the old gas stove falls off, landing in the middle of the pan. I just stare at it, wondering how in the hell I got here.
I snort, remembering exactly how I got here . . .
“I gotta go get Crew,” Gage said, shaking my shoulders gently.
I opened my eyes, trying to pull my brain out of the dream I’d been having. “Crew? What? What time is it?”
“It’s after two. He called me from Southie. He got into a fight tonight and I need to go pick him up at the police station.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“I wish I was, babe. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I sat up, still half asleep. “Gage, Crew has to stop this. I know he’s having a hard time right now, but he can’t keep acting like this.”
“I agree. I told him yesterday that it’s time to grow up. I get he’s pissed off. I know his entire life plan has changed over the last few months, but he’s lucky he’s not in a wheelchair.”
Gage sighed, the burden of worrying about his brother weighing him down. “He’ll come around. He’ll realize eventually he was just given a second chance at life. He’s strong and he’s smart. He just needs a little bit of time to figure things out.”
“He’s had time, Gage. He does this every time things get hard for him. With me, your mom, now wrestling. He can’t just do what he wants and forget his actions affect other people.”
He roughed his hand over his head. “He’s my brother, Jules.”
I knew he was gonna go and I knew I couldn’t demand he didn’t. It was Crew, after all. And as much as I wanted to slap the shit out of him, I loved him in my own way. But still, I tried. “I don’t want you to go. The roads are bad.” I looked into his eyes and, as usual, was putty in his hands.
“Babe.” His voice was soft, his eyes clear as a bell. A ghost of a smile touched his lips.
I kissed him for what I thought was the last time that night.
But it proved to be the last time I’d kiss Gage for the rest of my life.
The ringing of my cell startles me. I clear my throat and feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I take a deep breath and pluck the knob out of the pan, placing it on a paper towel. I check the caller ID.
Crew.
I send it to voicemail and put a pot of water on to boil.
When the ringing starts again, I don’t even look. I just let it ring because I know it’s him and I can’t handle dealing with him. Not today.
After Gage died, I tried to push Crew out of my life altogether. Seeing him, talking to him, looking into his eyes was like salt into a wound that was already seeping in so many ways. But in typical Crew fashion, he did what he wanted.
I had done everything short of a restraining order to convince him to stay away. No matter how much I yelled, cried, and pleaded—he was unrelenting.
There is a part of me that appreciates his help. There’s some peace in my shaky world just knowing that, frustratingly or not, he will be by sometime each week. That Ever and I aren’t alone. As much as I roll my eyes and act offended, a part of me sighs in relief when he knocks on the door.