Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
But if something does happen, I want you to remember a few things. First of all, always remember I love you. Always. And if we have children, remind them that I love them, too. I haven’t met them yet, but I can imagine seeing a little me and you. Also, make sure they’re Sox fans.
Don’t be scared. I know that’s easier said than done, but don’t be. You are so much stronger than you even know. Your strength inspires me every day. You’ll figure things out.
There’s a picture in here of Crew and me. We’re at the beach and the bastard is giving me those stupid bunny ears. That picture was taken one morning when we decided to go swimming at the beach with Will and another kid whose name I don’t remember. Later that day, Crew and I bought lunch. He wanted another ice cream and I wouldn’t give him the money for it because we needed it to get home. He got really mad at me and wouldn’t speak to me for hours after that. Typical, I know.
Anyway, I’m out swimming in the ocean with Will and the other kid when I start to get pulled under and out. I remember seeing the light through the water above me, my chest burning, needing oxygen. I’d come up but not even long enough to yell for help. I was just being tossed around like a ball. Finally, I come up long enough to see Will and the other guy, but they’re standing on the beach. They’re pointing towards me but neither are coming my way. And I know I’m done. My arms and legs are getting tired, my head feels heavy, my chest is burning. I’m choking on the saltwater. And then I feel something grab my leg. I remember thinking that at least death by shark will be faster than drowning. And then an arm wraps around my waist and pulls me up. I get to the top of the water and my little brother is shaking me, telling me to “man up” of all things.
He helps me back to shore and I puke up a gallon of seawater, but I’m okay. Crew probably saved my life that day.
I’m telling this to you for a reason, babe. I know you and Crew don’t always see eye to eye and I know you don’t think much of him sometimes. I know he’s hurt you and he can be an unpredictable prick. But I also know this—he’s never let me down when I’ve needed him. So, if God forbid, something does happen to me, please trust Crew. He’ll be there for you. Right now, he has some growing up to do, I know, but he’ll do what has to be done. There’s no one in this world who I would trust more than Crew to take care of you. He’s my brother. He’s your family.
Have a happy life. I want you to enjoy things and smile and laugh. I don’t want you to try to do everything on your own, like I know you try to do. I don’t want you to be miserable or hold back and feel guilty for living. I want you to promise me that you’ll live with no regrets. That you’ll do what you have to do to have a good life. Don’t feel bad for any decisions or choices you make. I know your heart and your soul. I’ll support you 100% (unless you make our theoretical children Yankees fans).
I must get back to work. I hope I’ve just wasted twenty minutes writing this and I show it to you some day when we’re eighty and we laugh at how dumb I am. I’m making cheesecake tonight. I hope you like it.
Love, Gage
I press the paper to my chest and fix my gaze on the wall of boxes in front of me. It feels like he’s in the room with me and I don’t want to lose the moment. I want to hold on to this feeling of being safe and loved, to the memories, for as long as possible.
I hear the paper crackle in my hands and I pull it away from my body, realizing that I’ve been squeezing it too hard. I read it again, hearing his voice inside my head, and I know what I have to do.
JULIA
“Don’t feel bad for any choices or decisions you have to make.”
My palms are sweaty and I wipe them on my jeans. An old country song is playing through the speakers as I pass the lines of yard equipment on the floor of the shop. A long glass counter lines the side wall, guns lined up neatly against the wall behind it.
An old man is sitting at the end, drinking a cup of coffee. He pays me no attention and continues to work his crossword puzzle.