Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
The darkness lures me with the promise of rest, a break from the fire. I know I have to hold on. I squeeze tighter, but the pressure I’m exerting isn’t as strong as it was.
I bite down and yank one. Final.
Time.
The last thing I feel is a tap on my shoulder and I float away into the darkness.
THE END
EPILOGUE
JULIA
Two years later
The grass is soft, still damp from the rain last night. The air is unseasonably warm, but the wind is very chilly. I smile as Ever races her way through the cemetery, heading for the stone in the back. She knows her way here like the back of her hand.
Michael babbles on my hip, laughing as a red bird dips in front of us and lands on a tree on the edge of the grass.
I approach the stone and smile. I don’t cry here anymore. I used to sit and pour my heart out, ask him why he left us. But I don’t do that anymore. It’s not that I have things figured out. It’s more that I’ve learned to have a little faith.
I look at Everleigh, pushing the slush off the bottom of the stone with her boot, telling her daddy stories about her recent adventures. She tells him a story about how we visited the pediatric oncology unit last week and delivered a bunch of games we collected in a fundraiser. The whole thing was her idea, a way to brighten the days of the kids in a precarious position she was in herself not long ago.
It’s been almost a year since she was declared in remission. Almost a year since my world became right and I’ve been able to breathe. I know we aren’t completely out of the woods and there is a chance of side effects later or of the cancer returning. But I’ve learned a few things in this process. To enjoy each and every day like it’s your last. That life throws you curveballs, that it brings people in and out of your life as it sees fit. You just have to go with it and find a way to move on.
A key to moving on is to realize that you can’t let your experiences go in vain. You have to use what you’ve been through to make a difference to someone else. You have to use the trials and tribulations, losses and devastations, to make someone else’s life better somehow.
“I’ve been taking swimming lessons, Daddy,” Everleigh says, playing with the flowers in the urn. “I can hold my breath practically forever! I can’t wait to go surfing this summer. I have your old board in my room, propped against the wall. Mommy says it’s too big, but I’m going to try it anyway. She also says I have to use a life jacket, no matter how good I can swim. If she catches me without one, she says I’ll never be allowed to go to the beach again.”
“I’m not kidding about that,” I remind her.
“I know.” She pouts. “I miss you a lot. You wouldn’t believe how tall I’m getting. And you should see Michael. He can say Everleigh now. Well, he says something like ‘Ewerwee,’ but it’s close enough!”
“Ewerwee,” Michael blurts, making us all laugh.
“See?” Ever says, leaning against the stone. “We can’t stay long today because we have to go to this fundraiser thing. I don’t even know what that means, really, but Mommy has been really excited about it all week.” Ever circles the stone again and plants a kiss on the top. “I love you, Daddy.”
“Wub you, Da-da,” Michael repeats.
I choke back a sob. “Ever, why don’t you take Michael and head back to the car. I’ll be right up.”
“Okay!” She takes Michael from my hip and places him on hers. He gives her open-mouthed kiss on her cheeks and she giggles. I watch them make their way back the way they came before turning my attention back to the stone.
“I miss you,” I whisper. I run my hand along the stone. “I miss you so much.”
Birds chatter in the tree line and it breaks the stillness.
“I wish you were here to go with us today. You’d be proud of what we’ve created. Taking inner-city kids and giving them a place to go. You’d like that, I think.” I sniffle. “We’ve gotten tons of support from the community and Sal is going to spend a few hours a week over there as a mentor. You wouldn’t believe the people that want to be a part of this.”
I wrap my sweater tightly against my body and plant a kiss on the top of the stone like Ever did. “I love you. Always.”
A hand touches my shoulder and I smile. I know he hates coming here and I understand why. It’s hard for him, too. “You ready?” he asks.