Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Zoey whimpers as though my admission physically pains her, and all I can do is curl my arm around her waist, holding her to me as though that could somehow dull the ache I’ve put in her heart. She braces one hand against my chest, and just when I expect her to push me away, her fingers bunch into the fabric of my shirt.
Zoey tugs me closer, and I can’t wait a second longer, dipping my head and closing the gap between us. My lips press against hers, and I feel her body weaken in my hold, melting against me as though she needs this just as much as I do.
A soft moan slips from between her lips as they move against mine, and when her other hand slips around the back of my neck, she deepens our kiss, taking exactly what she needs from me. Her tongue moves against mine, our lips perfectly in sync. It’s nothing like the hungry, desperate kiss from Monday night. This one is different. This one holds nothing but pure pain between us as we try to navigate our way around it, desperately clawing to find our way back to each other.
My fingers tighten on her waist, and as if having a bucket of ice water tipped over her head, Zoey stiffens in my arms. She pulls away and violently shoves against my chest, forcing me back a step as she stares at me in horror, her fingers pressed against her swollen lips.
Her chest heaves as my brows furrow, confusion sweeping through me. “What’s wrong?” I question, inching toward her. Did I hurt her? Push her too far?
“No,” she says, holding up a hand and halting my progression, fury flashing in her eyes. “Not like this.”
“Like what?”
She scoffs, and I watch as she tries to figure out the overwhelming emotions coursing through her body. “After everything,” she breathes, the fury morphing into sadness. “After all the hurt you caused over the past three years, you think you get to just walk in here and kiss me as though I still belong to you? You can’t keep doing this to me. You either want me or you don’t, but you can’t have both.”
“Zo,” I say, trying to step toward her again, only she holds up her hand to deny me.
“The next time you kiss me,” she says, her hands shaking again. “It better be because you’re mine and I’m yours.”
I stare at her, horror blasting through me at the idea of her pushing me away. “I’ve always been yours, Zoey.”
“No, you haven’t been mine in a long time. You’re barely a figment of my imagination.” I see the exact moment her heart falls out of her chest and shatters on the ground between us. “I want something real with you, not this almost there bullshit. I’m not doing this sneaking around thing where you get to push me away and then have me when it’s convenient. You’re either all in or all out.”
“Zo—”
“Don’t,” she tells me, pulling out of my reach, tears spilling from her eyes and tormenting my already shattered soul. “I don’t want to hear how you can’t, how you’re hurting and drowning in a sea of guilt and darkness, because I am too. I’ve been hurting since the day Linc died, and I needed you. You were the one person who could have eased that ache inside me, and you weren’t there. You made me suffer alone, Noah. You broke me, and now you want to waltz back into my life, thinking you can slide right back into place. That’s not how this works.”
She pauses, tears pouring from her eyes as she holds my stare, unaware of just how deeply I’m crumbling inside. “I want you to come back to me, Noah. I want it more than anything, but only when you’re ready to really let me in.”
Unable to keep the distance, I step into her, pulling her straight back into my arms as she buries her face against my chest. I hold her there, my hand knotted into her hair as she falls apart. “I promise, Zozo,” I whisper, closing my eyes as the agony claims me. “I want to give you everything you deserve, and I have a lot to make up for. I know you feel like I’m not yours anymore, and that’s on me, but you have to know that I’ve never stopped belonging to you. It’s always been you, Zo.”
“It hurts,” she whispers against my chest.
I hold her tighter, my hand roaming up and down her back. “Give me your pain, Zo,” I murmur, hating myself for everything I’ve put her through and vowing that I will never make her feel this way again. “Let me take it away.”
25
Noah
THREE YEARS AGO
Zoey’s hand clutches mine so damn tight her knuckles turn white, but I don’t dare let go. I can’t because, at the front of the church, my little brother’s body lies broken beyond repair in the black casket my mom spent the last three days agonizing over.