Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 131271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 656(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
“How was I putting myself first?” Not the point, Shawn. Not the fucking point. I cringe at my own stupid question.
“By avoiding confrontation, you took the easy way out, the path of least resistance, and you left me floundering.”
I take a deep breath and shove my hands into my pockets, needing to ground myself in whatever way I can. There are so many things I could say, but nothing’s right. We’re past denial. Past making jokes so the issue slides away with laughter. Past arguing that she’s making a big deal about nothing because, of course, she isn’t.
“It’s okay,” I say. “If you want to end things between us.” If I get in first, at least it won’t hurt as much. I can lie to myself that it was what I wanted, anyway.
She stares at me, really stares, like she’s trying to look past my flesh and blood shell to the core of me. “That isn’t what I’m thinking, Shawn.”
She touches my arm, sliding her fingers down to where I’ve buried my hand in my pocket. I free it and take hers, staring at our joined fingers, wanting to grip hard so she won’t slip away.
“But I need you to hear me. If we’re going to make this work, you can’t keep pulling this ‘nothing matters’ act because I know that’s not who you are.”
“Oh yeah. Who am I?”
She sighs, her eyes drifting to the side where memories wait to be recaptured. “You’re the kid who found the bird half dead in our yard and nursed it back to health in a box in the garage.”
I cock my head, shocked. “You remember that?”
“Yeah, I remember. You’re the kid who tried so hard to get your mom to show Jacob some attention. You kept telling her about the goals he scored, and you never even mentioned your own success.”
Did I do that? It’s so long ago. Just a dusty memory in a box nobody looks in anymore. Riley saw me before I molded myself around hurt and pretended nothing could touch me.
“I’m not good at this, Riley,” I admit, and my voice is so low it barely registers as sound. “I don’t know how to be…”
But I can’t finish the sentence because that’s the crux of it. I don’t know how to be the version of myself who isn’t trying to please. Who would I be without that part of myself?
Her expression softens, and she moves closer, tipping her face to mine, keeping me trapped and exposed with her pretty, brown gaze. “I see you, Shawn,” she says. “Just be the man I know you to be.”
Her hand slides around my waist, and she lets her body rest against mine. There’s nothing sexual about the contact, but even so, it’s so good.
I could tell her about everything behind the mask I wear, but now’s not the time. She’s more perceptive than I ever would have given her credit for, so maybe she already knows.
Instead of pulling away, she holds on tighter. “I’m not going anywhere,” she murmurs, and I nod, swallowing.
It’s not perfect. It’s not fixed. The damage is done, but she’s willing to put it aside for me to learn a lesson about what she expects from me in the future.
The future.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Riles. But you… you’re the one thing I’m trying to get right.”
“That’s good, Shawn,” she says. “That’s good.”
And in her embrace, our connection, although a little battered and bruised, is restored.
She pulls back, fixing me with her warm, open smile. “Now, what the hell am I going to say about these damned photos?”
EASTERN ICEBREAKERS INSTAGRAM PAGE
Photo: A professional headshot of Shawn wearing a grey suit and black tie.
Caption:
“I want to take a moment to address the images that were recently shared online. First and foremost, I want to apologize to my teammates, coaches, the university, and my family for the disappointment this has caused. My actions from the past don’t reflect the person I’m striving to be now, nor do they represent the level of respect I hold for those around me.
Hockey has always been my passion, my focus, and my way of pushing forward no matter what life throws at me. I’ve let my personal life interfere with that focus, and I deeply regret allowing my past choices to overshadow the hard work my team and I put in every day.
I take full responsibility for my actions, and I’m committed to ensuring that this kind of distraction doesn’t happen again. Moving forward, my focus is on my performance on the ice, supporting my teammates, and representing my school with integrity.
I know actions speak louder than words, and I intend to prove my commitment by keeping my head in the game and learning from this experience. Thank you to everyone who continues to support me. I won’t take it for granted.”