Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“Your grandmother protected you from all of it,” I offered after I managed to collect myself from the chilling idea that I had in fact been the target of the shooting merely because I’d seen only a few lines of a report. I mentally shook my head because it made no sense. If I’d been the target, then why shoot me in the presence of an Ashby?
“Yeah,” Cass murmured. “I was so fucking naive. All those things she’d been teaching me about manners and appearance had been to prepare me for when I was in the hot seat. Even though I was next in line to take over the business, my father was going to make sure I knew my place, just like his father had taught him.”
I reached out to stroke Cass’s cheek as we continued to face each other. When he seemed a little more relaxed, I returned to my original question. “You said she seemed sick when you last saw her?”
Cass nodded. “She was wearing a nightgown that she never would have been caught dead in during daylight hours, much less around the house for all the staff to see. Her hair was loosely braided and messy, and she was covered in dirt because she’d been working in the garden. Renly, that’s her personal butler, had told her of my arrival but when she saw me, she’d forgotten that Renly had told her I was there. She… she hugged me. Mother Ashby… um, my grandmother, she never hugged anyone, even me. Not real hugs, anyway. Even when I was really little and tried to hug her, she told me that hugging wasn’t proper because it was a sign of weakness. But that day, she hugged me, and she was crying because she was so happy to see me.” He paused for a moment.
“I’ve never seen her cry before,” Cass mused. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Anyway, when I talked to her, I realized she’d changed mentally. She still recognized me, but she thought I was home because I’d finished my last tour.”
“Wait,” I interjected. “Are you saying she didn’t know you’d been in prison?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” Cass said as if he were hearing the words being spoken aloud for the first time. “Some kind of dementia. That was what Renly told me. She’s been sick for several years.”
“So that’s why she didn’t come to your trial or try and bail you out.” I was in complete shock, but my heart hurt for Cass. He’d spent two years believing the person who’d raised him, the woman who’d loved him as if he’d been her own child, hadn’t come to help him because she’d chosen not to.
“Renly told me that as soon as my father found out she was sick, he ordered her staff to keep her in her wing of the house and to not let anyone from the outside or even the family to see her. She’s been locked away for four years,” Cass explained. I could hear the despair and guilt in both his words and the way he held his body. I knew what he was going to say next, but it wouldn’t matter if I tried to stop him from speaking the words because they’d fall on deaf ears. He was never going to forgive himself.
“If I’d only come home as soon as I was discharged,” he said. “I’d been planning to, but I wanted to see your family first. Then you and I started…” Cass let his words fall off and dropped his eyes.
I didn’t encourage him to continue, nor did I tell him to stop. He had to make the decision for himself whether he wanted to confront his guilt or compartmentalize it like he’d done with so many of his other emotions. When it came time for him to start opening those boxes, I’d be there every step of the way. I hadn’t compartmentalized my own emotions; I’d chosen to outrun them, to attempt to numb myself from them. It seemed neither approach had done either of us any good.
I dropped my arm so I could join our hands. Cass instantly opened his fingers so I could link them with mine.
“If I’d just gone to see her, I could have done something. I could have stopped my father from leaving her trapped in her lonely little world with only a garden full of roses to keep her company.”
“Cass,” I breathed softly. “I know you don’t want to hear the words, but I want you to try and hear them a different way, okay? I know that doesn’t make sense but just listen, okay?”
Cass automatically nodded, though I wasn’t sure if he was really paying attention or if he was still caught up in thoughts of how he believed he’d failed his grandmother.