Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I know,” I replied softly. “You wouldn’t do that.” Because Clark was good and kind. He could try to make me happy, and make his mom happy, but eventually, inevitably, it would all fall apart anyway. “Still, I just… I guess I don’t think we should keep doing this. I mean, we were just having fun, right?” Please tell me no. Please fight for me. Please make me believe I’m worth it.
There was a long pause and then, “Yeah…yeah, just having fun.”
My chest tightened, the stinging in my eyes intensifying. “Exactly. Why should you damage your relationship with your family for a booty call?”
Clark was quiet for a moment, then said, “That wouldn’t make much sense, would it?”
“Nope.” I wiped my eyes. God, I was crying. I needed to chill out. This was why I never should have started this with Clark—with someone I cared for the way I did, someone who’d always felt like more to me. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, because I don’t want to lose your friendship. But like we said, we both knew this was temporary. I don’t do the long-term thing, and you’re looking for a different kind of guy than me.” One he could bring home to parties like tonight. One his parents would be proud of.
“Yeah…this was never supposed to go on this long anyway. We don’t want the same things.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. This hurt. How could Mom do this more than once? “Nope, we don’t. So…friends?”
“Friends,” Clark agreed, his voice soft and strained.
“Listen, I, um…I gotta go, okay? Mom and I are hanging out tonight, so I’ll talk to you later.” I couldn’t wait for him to respond. I didn’t have it in me. I ended the call, sank down, ass on the carpet, arms around my knees, and cried.
No matter what I told myself, how many lies whispered through my thoughts, I’d somehow thought this thing with Clark could work. That maybe we’d be different. But I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t risk it, and God, this fucking hurt.
I didn’t know how long I sat there, but it was where Mom found me, on the floor in my closet, crying from a broken heart.
“Oh, baby.” She went right down on the floor beside me, wrapped her arms around me, kissed the top of my head, and shushed me the way I’d done to her so many times in the past. I was losing my shit, and I couldn’t even say why. Tonight, Mom, Clark, his family, the job, it was all muddled in my head. Things I wanted that were out of reach, and things that would always be a part of my life. Mom brokenhearted and me putting her back together, my constant companion. Only now, she was putting me together too. “What happened?” she finally asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, pulled back, and sat up straighter with my back against the wall.
“That didn’t look like nothing.”
“I’m being stupid. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I…I applied for this job. I really wanted it. It’s making costumes for a local theater, and I thought I got it, but I haven’t heard from them.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t know you were looking for a new job. That’s great. I can see you doing something like that.”
“But they don’t want me.” I looked away.
“Sky…you don’t know that. Maybe they do. Maybe something came up. Maybe they’re a little later on getting back to you or…yes, maybe you didn’t get this job, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get the next one. Getting hurt, losing something we want, that’s life, sweet boy. If you don’t take the chance that you might get hurt, you risk never hearing yes either. That’s not you. You’re not afraid of anything.”
I whipped my head toward her at that. “Are you kidding? I think I’m…I think I’m afraid of everything.” Maybe I’d never let myself see it. Maybe I’d always lied to myself, but I didn’t risk my heart so I didn’t get hurt like she did, and I didn’t go for jobs I might love so no one would tell me they didn’t want me, and I didn’t keep going in gymnastics because I wasn’t good enough for the Olympics. I just…wore a smile, laughed, had fun, and told myself that was all I needed. Pretended to be happy and carefree because it was so much fucking easier than risking getting hurt.
“Oh, Skylar. I really let you down, didn’t I? I failed the best thing in my whole world—the most important.”
“You didn’t fail me. You—”
“No.” She cut me off, her voice serious. “Stop trying to protect my feelings. I’ve screwed up, and I’ve screwed up a lot, not just in my own life, but for you. I’ve put myself first. I haven’t been able to keep it together. You’ve had to parent me more than you should, and that stops today because you, sweet boy, are the best person, the best son, the best man I have ever known. And for you not to see that… I’m sorry I let you down. And I promise you, I won’t ever let you down again, okay? We’re going to fix this—no, I’m going to fix this. I’m going to be better, and get my shit together, and I’m going to show my boy that I can stand on my own two feet so he doesn’t have to hold me up anymore.”