Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 103008 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103008 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
“I’m going to miss you today.”
That warm, sated feeling is gone. “I’ll miss you too.”
“This is the first Sunday you’ve taken off in a month.”
Five Sundays, actually. It’s been five Sundays that I have been avoiding facing the man I’m responsible for, and the guilt has been eating at me. Having any sort of personal relationship with Harley means I could potentially be fucking up any chance of getting him out of that shitty care facility and into a better one.
He’ll understand, though. I’ll go there and tell him I’ve been on a mission, which isn’t a lie. I’ve been super focused on Harley lately and making sure he feels safe while the guys investigate Webber for me, but I still feel guilty.
My commitment to Harley betrays my obligations, but I can’t go back to only caring about my debts either.
Harley has a hold on me I couldn’t shake even if I wanted to.
“What are you going to do?” he asks.
I shrug. “The usual.”
Harley flattens his lips but lets me get up.
I kiss his forehead. “Nothing for you to worry about.”
It’s my responsibility. My problem. My life.
I don’t know how to let people in when I’ve practically been on my own since my mom died.
Dad did all he could, but being in the military, he could only be there so much.
It made me the independent guy I am. I don’t need anyone, only myself.
But as I look at Harley, I realize if I was going to let anyone else in, it would be him.
Chapter Nineteen
Harley
They say it’s forbidden
You’re the wrong choice
But you give me a new vision
I’ve found a new voice.
I stare at Brix through the glass of the recording studio as I sing the song I’m ninety percent sure will be my first actual single on the new album. It’s something that’s been rattling around in my brain since even before Brix and I started hooking up, but I couldn’t get the right message across, and it was going down on paper all wrong.
It’s a new sound but still upbeat and something my fans will like. It has meaning even if it only makes sense to me.
Brix has been so awesome to me with everything—with my tendency to overreact and be quick to freak out. He didn’t even flinch at me asking him to stay with me after Billy sent me that letter.
If I was honest with him, I’d tell him I no longer need him in my bed every night. Things have calmed down, and I don’t fear Billy turning up randomly anymore, but I don’t want to send Brix back to his room.
Sometimes I can’t tell what Brix is thinking when he watches me record, but if the heat in his eyes has anything to say, I can guess he knows this song is about him.
My big strong badass who’s a soft marshmallow on the inside.
He’s smarter than me and sees things in a different way.
When he speaks, my life’s problems seem trivial.
I’m in awe of him.
When I sing the last note and the music fades, my eyes lock on his.
Then, out of the shadows, Gideon steps forward.
Shit. I didn’t know he was here.
I can’t get a read on him, but I’m guessing he’s here to tell me the fate of my songs. And probably to rip this one apart.
I hang up my headphones and make my way out of the booth, all the while holding my breath.
My sound engineer claps when I enter the control room where everyone is. “That was the one, man.”
My producer is surprisingly quiet.
My focus is on Gideon.
My heart’s in my throat, and while I’m fairly certain I know what’s coming, there’s still a string of hope. A fraying string, but still.
He cracks a smile. “That’s your first single.”
Relief floods me. “Yes!” I jump and fist pump the air.
Everyone laughs. My producer is now smiling and clapping, and Gideon clasps my shoulder.
“It’s a great song.”
Jamie hugs me, and then Brix is right there. I almost forget where I am and go to step into his arms, but at least one of us has our heads screwed on. He steps back before I can get to him.
The lack of PDA has never really gotten to me before. It’s always been a necessity. But right now, all I want to do is celebrate with Brix because this song was born from us.
It involves him. It is him.
It sucks I can’t physically share it with him. My heart twinges with longing. Longing to touch him. Longing to have something real.
“I don’t bring all good news, though,” Gideon says, and the excitement in the room dies faster than you can say, And the Grammy goes to …
“The label refuses to give me the political song,” I guess.
Gideon looks at his feet. “And the song about sex.”
My heart sinks even more. In fact, it feels like I’ve been sucker punched. “You said that was my version of Timberlake’s ‘SexyBack.’”