Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 77005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
The tears are getting harder to hold back as the first crack in my resolve appears.
“It feels like someone cut my heart out, but I’m the one holding the knife… I did it to myself. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love you sooner. And I do––I love you with every part of me. I should’ve put you on a fucking pedestal the minute I met you because you deserve to be there.”
My eyes slam shut, watering so much I can barely see. When they open, he’s closing the mile-wide gap between us. I put a hand out to stop him from touching me.
“Don’t… I can’t do this with you anymore. I can’t be jerked around.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“Like the last time you promised?”
His shoulders fall. “I knew it was wrong the minute I said it.” He rubs the back of his neck. When he looks up at me, he’s unguarded. Another first. “I figured something out when I was in Europe… ” He steps closer. “The restlessness––the feeling I’ve been running from my entire miserable life came back. That’s when I realized I haven’t been wandering, Blue… I was looking for you.”
My heart is crying out. But it’s not just me I’m protecting.
“I have to tell you something…” His brow wrinkles. He’s preparing himself for the worst. He thinks I’m going to tell him I’m seeing someone else when that couldn’t be any further from the truth.
“It’s no longer just me… I’m pregnant.”
He takes a few steps back, unsteady on his feet. “You’re having a baby?”
“Yes, I’m with child. That’s what pregnant means.” My quip shakes him out of the state of shock.
“We’re having a baby?”
“I’m having a baby. You contributed the sperm.”
That breaks the spell. The sharpness in his eyes returns, his natural confidence and assertiveness snapping back into place.
“I’m the father. I’m not a sperm donor.”
“You’re the man I haven’t seen or heard from in two months.”
“Blue, I am in love with you… I love you. And yes, I fucked up…” He exhales harshly. “We’re having a baby. You and I.” He suddenly smiles the sweetest smile and my resolve loses another brick. Then he frowns. “Wait, were you not going to tell me?”
“I would’ve told you eventually. Yes. When I was out of the risk period.”
“You’re the most maddening woman I have ever met. But you are hands down the best person I know. No one has ever come close. No one will ever come close. Baby, please give me another chance. I am begging you. Let me show you I can do a lot better.”
Tears pour down my face. I wipe them away with the heel of my hand. “You broke my heart.”
He takes me in his arms, holding me gently but firmly. And I melt into him. He smells the same. He sounds the same. He feels the same. Even in his fancy clothes.
“I don’t deserve you. I’m a terrible person,” he murmurs next to my ear. “But I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you every day for the rest of my natural life.… I pick you. You are the most important person to me.”
It won’t be easy, but I’m going to let him. Because that’s what you do when you love someone.
My knees start to buckle.
“What’s wrong?” I’ve never once heard Shane sound anxious like he is now.
“I’m exhausted. I have to lie down.”
Tipping my chin up, he cradles my face in his capable hands. “Can I stay here tonight? I just want to hold you and watch over you.”
“I’m still mad at you,” I say, leaning in and letting his warmth seep into my skin.
“I know.”
In the bedroom, I strip. Dropping the dress on the floor, I step out of it and grab a wet wipe to clean the makeup off my face. Shane watches from the threshold of the room, leaning on the jamb with arms crossed, a look of wonder on his handsome face.
“I missed you every day,” he says to me. “Truth is…”
“Truth is what?”
“Truth is loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. As easy as breathing.”
Tears fill my eyes again.
“As necessary, too,” he adds and I can’t stop them from falling any more than I can stop myself from loving him back.
I get into bed and watch as Shane slowly gets undressed. Just like I did the first time, but with one major change. Crawling over me, he places a kiss on my belly. It’s almost surprising how natural and familiar it all feels. The only difference being the life growing inside of me.
Turning on his side, Shane places his hand on my flat belly. “Thank you for this,” he says in wonder. “How far along are you?”
“Ten weeks according to the doctor.”
“The feed room.” He grins broadly.
“Yep.”
His smile melts into reverence. “I’d be here on your doorstep like a stray animal every day even without the baby. Every time I hear your voice, when I see you smile, I think...” He stops and shakes his head.