Total pages in book: 247
Estimated words: 235897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1179(@200wpm)___ 944(@250wpm)___ 786(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 235897 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1179(@200wpm)___ 944(@250wpm)___ 786(@300wpm)
“You don’t have to tell me about the front.” Mira taps her chest. “Raising the wards must have pissed them off, because they are kicking our ass out there and all we can do is fall back. I can see Draithus from the line.”
“You really opened the border.” My eyes widen on Xaden as my siblings continue to argue in the background.
He nods once. “It’s what my father would have wanted.”
But Fen didn’t actually do it. Xaden did. And I’ve been too lost in my misery to even know, let alone support him in an act of blatant treason. My face falls.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” Xaden says, tilting his head.
“I’ve left you to deal with it alone.” Lewellen would be heinously disappointed in me. I’m heinously disappointed in myself.
“You’ve been breathing, and that’s enough for me.” The relief in his eyes is palpable, and that somehow makes me feel worse.
I’m supposed to be stronger than this. What else have I missed?
“She lost a dragon,” Mira shouts. “Not a boyfriend. It’s not a breakup.” Her gaze swings to Xaden. “No offense.”
The emptiness threatens to overwhelm me again, but Tairn inundates the bond with a deluge of defiance and indignation. “Focus on now, on him if you have to.”
I still have both of them: Tairn and Xaden.
“None taken.” Xaden folds his arms but doesn’t look away. “We’re past the breakup stage.”
“Point is,” Mira lectures Brennan, “the deficit of power has to be staggering, let alone the emotional impact of severing a bond.”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” I whisper.
“I didn’t imply she has to bounce back like a toy,” Brennan retorts.
“Stop!” My shout brings the room to a standstill. I have to get out of this bed, if only to escape from their arguing.
Brennan’s entire body sags. “Thank the gods. You speak.”
“I told you she speaks!” Mira throws up her hands.
“No wonder Dad spent so much time in the Archives,” I mutter, then peel back the covers. Step one, get out of bed. Step two, bathe off four days of misery.
“And now you’re telling jokes?” Brennan’s mouth drops.
“She likes me more than you.” Mira brushes a piece of grass off her uniform.
“Nothing about this is funny.” My feet hit the floor. “You two have got to stop fighting. Work it out, because other than Niara, we’re all that’s left.” I slowly stand.
Xaden moves to push off the bookshelves, and I shake my head at him.
“I need a moment.” I make my way to the bathing chamber, reminding myself to breathe. The argument dims as I shut the door, then disappears when I start the bath after relieving myself. “Moment over.”
Xaden walks through the door in a matter of seconds and quickly shuts it behind him, cutting off Brennan’s and Mira’s raised voices.
“Are they still arguing?” I sit on the edge of the tub and reach in to test the water.
“They’re your siblings,” he answers, rolling up his uniform sleeves as he comes my way. “Let me do that.” He dips his hand in the bath, then adjusts the lever that brings water in from the aqueduct system. “Can I help you?”
I nod.
He strips me out of my clothes, and I get into the tub. Warm water rushes over me as I lean back, and I start pulling apart the strands of my braid. Kneeling beside me, he lathers soap on a small cloth and begins to wash me, starting at my feet.
“You have other things you should be doing,” I say softly, watching his eyes as his hands move with a gentleness that would shock everyone but me.
“Everything else will wait.” He moves to my knee.
But it can’t. Not if he’s opened the border against the decree of the Senarium, though I love him all the more for saying so. It doesn’t matter how impossible everything feels; the world is still spinning beyond these doors. And I have to catch up to it.
I’m a master of pain, and Andarna’s loss is the deepest I’ve ever had to mask in order to survive. But I don’t have to pretend with Xaden.
“I’ve missed three days of rune instruction,” I whisper when I’m nearly clean. Best to start small when it comes to what’s lacking in my life. Plus, it’s one of the only areas in my life where I’ve never allowed him to assist.
“Hate to break it to you, love, but three days was never going to help you in that subject.” His lips twitch, and he moves the cloth down my arm.
“Will you help me?” The words are easier than I thought they’d be.
His gaze snaps to mine. “Ask me nicely.”
The corners of my mouth quirk as I remember the last time he made the same demand and ended up kissing me against the foundation wall. “Will you please help me?”
“Always.” He finishes with my hand. “May I wash your hair?”