Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
“Brodan?”
“Let’s talk once we hit the beach. I’ll be too busy avoiding sheep shite to concentrate on conversation,” I cracked. It was true. Our land abutted a local farmer’s, and he used his for grazing.
My brother shot me a curious look but remained silent. Ten minutes later, we’d traversed our way downward, through fields and dunes and onto the golden sands of the beach.
Despite the winter chill, there was only a slight breeze, and the water lapped gently at the shore for this time of year. Not another soul walked along the small beach, which was what I’d been counting on.
I walked, gesturing for Arran to follow me.
Then I talked.
After I’d shared the story of Vanessa and her dad with Monroe, I realized the world did not, in fact, end. Better yet, Roe’s forgiveness made me feel less ashamed. For years, I’d felt like the most disloyal coward for leaving Vanessa behind in the aftermath of that night, knowing that the small moment I’d experienced at the hands of her father was nothing compared to what she’d gone through with him. I’d told myself that because I didn’t love her, it was none of my business.
But really, I was young and too devastated by my own loss that I couldn’t see past my selfish fucking nose. The letter she’d sent me a few years ago had made me step outside my own actions, and I hated what I saw in myself. I was a fucking coward. Those feelings were only compounded by the fact that the world saw me as some kind of hero.
The world had no idea who I was.
My therapist had tried to show me reason and rationale, to help me move past it. I thought I had to some extent. But I hadn’t.
Not until Roe had forgiven me.
If she could forgive me, then I knew I could be a better man going forward.
If she could forgive me, I knew suddenly that my family would too.
So that morning on the beach, I told Arran everything.
When I was finished, my brother didn’t say a word for what felt like forever. Agitated, I wondered if I’d overestimated the situation. But then my brother stopped, pulling on my arm to draw me to a halt.
Worry creased his brow as he glared at me. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me years ago, Bro? You knew about Colin’s death and how much guilt I carried because of it. Don’t you think that I, of all people, would understand?”
Years ago, while Arran was in Thailand, he’d gotten drunk and took a swim in the ocean. His friend, Colin, had thought he was in trouble and ran in to save him, only to drown himself. “Your guilt was misplaced. Mine isn’t.”
“Funny, but that’s what I think—that yours is misplaced, but mine isn’t. Because that’s how guilt works.”
“I fucked up,” I whispered roughly.
My brother cursed under his breath and then hauled me into his arms. I held on to him like he was a lifeline, relief easing the tension within. “You can tell me anything,” he said gruffly, “and it’ll never change us, brother.”
Emotion thickened my throat and I nodded, patting his back with an appreciative thump that he reciprocated. We pulled away, giving each other a reassuring look, and then turned around to make our way back down the beach.
“You should tell Lachlan, Thane, and Arro,” Arran said. “They’ve been worried about you for years. Knowing the truth will give them some peace.”
“I will,” I promised. “But it’s not the only reason I wanted to talk to you.”
“Monroe,” Arran surmised. “You said the incident with Vanessa’s dad happened that same night you found us. Now I get why you lost it so completely.”
“Well, I was definitely on edge, but make no mistake, most of my rage was at finding you with the girl I was in love with.”
Arran looked tortured as he hissed hoarsely, “You should have told me.”
“I know,” I assured him. “And I’m not blaming you. For the first time in my life, I want to be honest about it. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you trying to antagonize me into admitting it.”
My brother gestured between us. “I think it might have worked.”
“Being around Roe worked. But I’ve been a total and complete prick to her since I got back.”
My brother cut me a dark look. “So I’ve heard.”
“It’s worse than what you’ve heard.” I told him about the night in the caravan.
Arran gave me a look so fierce, I thought he might hit me.
“You don’t have to say or do anything.” I held up my hands defensively. “I hate myself enough for it, believe me.”
He grunted.
“Arran, I’m trying to make it up to her.”
“For what purpose?”
At his suspicious tone, I replied honestly, “To win her back.”
He considered this, then shocked me by asking, “And you’re sure this isn’t just a whim? Not too long ago, you were pissed off at me for dating Ery because you had a thing for her.”