Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 59947 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 300(@200wpm)___ 240(@250wpm)___ 200(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59947 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 300(@200wpm)___ 240(@250wpm)___ 200(@300wpm)
“Of course. I don’t like her very much, though.”
“That doesn’t make any damn sense to me.”
“I think…those components are just different.” She frowns and absently strokes her hand down Hot Biscuit Slim’s back. The cat jumps off my chest and curls up against my other side—out of her reach. “He’s such an asshole.”
“But you love him.”
“I do.” Her gaze sharpens again. “Probably a lot like people love babies. Because what is there to love? They poop and spit up and eat and cry. But people love their babies anyway. That component is just…it’s adoration, I think. Feeling that this little thing is so perfect, even though it does all these things that would be so irritating if anyone else did it. And even the gross things are also somewhat adorable because the baby—or the cat—is doing them. So I think for a character with a five year old, there’d still be some element of adoration left. Because the kid will have more of a personality to love by then, so genuine affection will start replacing that adoration. Or if not replacing, then growing more equal in weight.”
“That makes sense. What if the kid is a shit?”
“Then she might have to work harder to love him. And there might be more components that are less about love and more about duty and responsibility. Because I think most parents feel an obligation to care for their kids—but there’s a difference between taking care of someone because it’s the right thing to do, and actually caring about someone, so you take care of them out of love.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “Like when I took care of you. It was just my duty as a human being. Now, though, I’d do it because I care about you.” She blinks once, twice, then says in a rush, “Not that I—”
“Love me?”
“No.” Her face flushes.
“It’s probably too soon.”
“For sure.”
I look up at the ceiling and grin. Because she cares about me. And I fucking adore her. “What if I wanted to write a character falling in love? What’s the difference there?”
She purses her lips as she considers. “I actually think that romantic love is like…okay, here’s familial love”—she draws a vertical line in the air—“and next to it is friendship, and then on the other side of friendship is romantic love. And there’s sometimes overlap between familial love and friendship, especially as children get older and they become friends with their parents or siblings. Or it might be like whatever you feel for Harris, if you think of him like a brother.”
“Huh. So maybe I do love someone.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you. And romantic love? You put it closer to friendship than family.”
“Because there’s a ton of overlap between friendship and romantic love. I think being in love looks a lot like friendship, but with more components—like adoration, though a more mature version than what you’d feel for a baby. And desire. But not mere lustful desire. Instead it’s a desire to be with that person. Not always in a sexual way.”
“And you’ve had some experience with this?”
“I thought I was in love a few times. Not that it ever lasted. I think because it was missing that friendship overlap. And maybe with years and marriage, there ends up being more overlap with familial love, too. But probably not at the beginning stages. And I think there’s also a component of gratitude when the romantic love is reciprocated? Not in the sense of ‘oh, thank goodness someone loves me,’ but a sense of being glad that specific person loves you? I don’t know, I can’t describe it correctly. And there’s another component that I know is there, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
“You’ve done a hell of a lot better putting your fingers on these components than I could have. Thank you for that.”
“Did it help?”
“It does.” A lot more than she knows. “Though I still don’t understand the loving but not liking thing with your mom. You’re saying you’ve got familial love with no friendship overlap?”
“Zero friendship overlap, yes.”
“But there’s also a hefty dose of obligation and duty tied up with familial love.”
She sighs and nods.
“And sometimes love is the source of that duty and obligation—like when you care about someone—but sometimes it’s just plain old duty because of familial bonds and human decency. Not actually love.”
Abbie goes real quiet. And when she says, “Yeah,” her voice wavers.
Then that’s enough of this. I kiss her, then haul her up and carry her to the bed, where I get real busy with my mouth and hands.
I feel a whole lot better when I tackle my chapter again after dinner, and the book already seems less shitty. I close the file feeling pleased with how much stronger it all is, dump my headphones and look for Abbie. She’s standing by the sink washing her paintbrushes.