Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 119005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 595(@200wpm)___ 476(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 595(@200wpm)___ 476(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
However, she hadn’t told me she felt like she was somehow at fault for Dru’s death too.
“We had a fight at a party over a boy. It was a kegger at the river. She was drunk … she was not in her right mind, and she wouldn’t come down off this frayed rope swing that hung over the water. She fell in. I … couldn’t save her.” Mum shrugged sadly. “It took a lot of therapy and your dad to help me rationalize that situation. I should have told you about it. All of it. About the panic attacks. I … I haven’t had one in so long …”
“In ten years,” Dad supplied hoarsely. “The day Beth turned fourteen.”
Mum’s lips trembled as she asked in awe, “You remember that?”
“I remember everything, babe.” And he was done keeping his distance. He crossed the room and pulled Mum into his arms. She didn’t fight. She melted against him, her crying soft, quiet.
It unnerved me to see her like that.
Mum was always so strong, so together.
Like I pretended to be, I realized.
Goodness, we were more alike than I knew.
Dad gestured to me with his free arm, and I didn’t hesitate. I practically dove into his embrace, wrapping one arm around him and the other around Mum. She pressed a kiss to my forehead as Dad bundled us close. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“You are not a failure,” she told me, her tone fierce. “You are a strong, kind, smart, wonderful daughter, and we are so proud of you. And we are here for you whenever you need us.”
After a long moment of holding each other, we finally let go with tearful wee laughs. Dad settled us back at the table before brewing more coffee.
“Will you tell me about your panic attacks? You don’t have to right this second, but maybe at some point?” I asked Mum, afraid to push her, but thinking it might be helpful. Just knowing she knew what they felt like was a huge relief.
“Of course. The last one was because you turned the same age I was when my family died. I couldn’t get rid of the dread, like we were going to be taken from you.”
“Mum.” I hated that for her, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
She covered my hand with her other. “I was pretty messed up with grief when I met your dad and Aunt Ellie. Between them and therapy, I did a lot of healing. But grief isn’t linear. Like you’re discovering for yourself. It hits when you least expect it. I’m just so sorry you’re experiencing that.”
“Was the recurrence of the panic attacks what made you finally decide to tell us?” Dad asked, setting fresh coffee down on the table.
“No. It was Callan.”
That visibly surprised my parents.
“I had a panic attack in front of him and everything came out. I told him all of it.”
Mum nodded. “You needed someone to talk to.”
“I think I needed him. But he told me that I needed to talk to you. To tell you everything that’s been going on with me. I think … I think he might be for me what Dad is for you.” I hoped this recent distance between us wasn’t second thoughts on his part.
“Really?” Mum rubbed my hand. “That serious, huh?”
“Aye.”
“Fuck,” Dad huffed, slumping into a chair.
We both looked at him, eyebrows raised.
Dad scowled. “I hate him.”
My stomach knotted. “How can you hate him? You’ve never met him. Is this about Gavin?”
“No.”
“Braden, he’s been there for our daughter when she needed someone. He encouraged her to confide in us.”
“He’s also a player whose been in and out of the tabloids for his revolving door of women.”
Mum glared. “Look who’s talking, Mr. Serial Monogamist. When we met, you slept with two other women in the time it took me to give in to your unique brand of charm.”
“They were casual. I can’t even remember their names.”
“Holly and Nadia.”
Dad grinned. “See, I really didn’t remember that. But it’s telling you do. I knew you were jealous, even then.”
Mum glared. “My point is you can’t hold having a past against the guy. We all have pasts.”
“I can hold it against him when the guy is dating my firstborn child. Beth deserves better.”
“Our firstborn child. She deserves the person she wants.”
“I’m sorry, but when have I ever liked any of her boyfriends?”
Unfortunately, that was true. Deciding it was time to interrupt, I blurted, “But, Dad … I love him. This is different. I’m in love with him. No going back, this is it, love.”
His glower only intensified. “You’re right. That is different. I hate him even more now. And if he hurts you, I’ll fucking ruin him.”
Anger heated my skin. “Dad … he lost his family like Mum. I …” Tears filled my eyes before I could stop them. “I really want to give him a family again. To give him my family. Like you gave Mum a family again. So please, please curb the macho dad bullshit and give him a chance.”