Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
I don’t know what I’m expecting.
I don’t even know what I just did. What I just said.
All I know is that I want him even after everything.
And I want him to hurt because of everything.
Can you hate someone even when you love them?
Can you love someone even when you hate them?
I wonder if hate and love coexist. If fire and ice live together.
I don’t know. All I know is that I want him to say yes.
God, please say yes.
Or I’ll really die. He will really have killed me.
But I guess that’s what’s written in the stars.
My destiny is to be killed by him and his is to kill me.
Because he says, “No.”
Chapter 4
If someone asked, I’d say dying is painful.
Death is not peaceful. They lied.
Death hurts.
Being in love hurts. Being in love with Stellan ‘The Cold’ Thorne hurts even more.
I’m about to push him away and leave, and Jesus Christ, leave for the last time because I’m never coming back when he decides he wants to say more. He squeezes my cheeks even more and tilts my head up. So all I can see is him.
His face. Still beautiful.
His eyes. Still molten and fiery.
“Because I’m Stellan ‘The Cold’ Thorne and you’re Isadora Agni Holmes. And you’re the only girl, the only girl in this whole wide world who has the fire to melt me. And you did, remember? You’re the only girl in this whole universe who has the power to make me break my rules and you did. You’re the only girl I will cross lines for. The only girl I will erase them for. The only fucking girl I will wreck and destroy my morals for and I already did that, baby. I already fucking did. And it’s not a good thing.”
“What?”
“Me, unleashed,” he bites out, his words, his look, his entire body intense. “Me, uncaged. Me, without rules and unburied under a six-foot deep layer of ice is not a good thing. It’s not a good thing that you can do that to me, okay? I called you a plane crash, remember?” Slowly, I nod, trying to understand what he’s telling me. “I called you a car crash, a virus, a disease. I’m that. Me. I’m a disease, okay? I’m a plane crash, baby. A fiery fucking plane crash. I’m that multi-car highway pileup, do you understand? I’m dangerous. Like you said. Look what I did. Look what I’m capable of. And it’s not even the worst of it, okay? I can do so much worse.”
My heart is pounding so hard that I’m shaking with it. I’m shaking with him.
God, he’s shaking.
He’s fucking shaking.
“What does that…” I grab hold of his wrists, his collar, his shoulders, everything I can possibly get to with my two hands and puny strength. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means that the reason I said I won’t cross that line is not because you’re my twin brother’s girlfriend or his fucking fiancée. The reason I said I won’t kiss you isn’t because I have some high morals or unbreakable rules. The reason I said I won’t cross the line is for you. Because you deserve someone safe. Someone you don’t need protection from. Someone who cares about you the right way. Who knows what that word means. The reason I said I won’t kiss you is because I shouldn’t. Because I shouldn’t be your first kiss.”
It’s hot.
Everything is so hot and sweaty.
Everything is misty and slippery.
My cheeks. His lips. My eyes. His fingers.
His breaths. My breaths.
Everything is drenched with something. Drenched with my tears and my love and my hate. His torture and his desperation. His angst.
In the midst of all this, I whisper, “So will you…”
“Will I what?”
I look into his eyes. “Will you never kiss me?”
Something moves in them. He wipes my tears. He breathes onto my mouth before dropping his gaze down to them. “I will.” My eyes go wide and he continues, “But only because for once in my fucking life, for once ever since I met you, I want to make your eyes smile rather than cry. I want to make you smile rather than cry. I want to pick up the pieces of your heart rather than scatter them away in the wind. And I want to do it when you know it’s me.”
“Stellan—”
And then he does.
He makes my heart smile. He picks up the pieces because he gives me my most greatest desire: his kiss.
And I’m not going to lie, I’ve turned into a stone.
I’ve gone all still.
My brain is working, though.
My brain has too many thoughts running through.
His mouth is wet and he’s kissing me.
His jaw is smooth—except for the bruise—and he’s kissing me.
His mouth is hot and I want to grip his hair and he’s kissing me.
I want to bring him closer, and he tastes like cigarette smoke and marshmallows, and he’s kissing me.