Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Because he protects me.
Because he wants me.
“So I did it,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” he rasps as if he knows what I’m talking about.
And I guess he does.
“Me, Isadora Agni Holmes,” I keep whispering.
“Yeah.”
“I melted Stellan ‘The Cold’ Thorne.”
“That’s what you wanted, didn’t you?”
Yes.
I wanted that.
I wanted to be his fire.
His flame.
His Lolita.
The only girl who can move him and melt him.
But it’s too late now, isn’t it? I’ve already promised myself to someone else. I’ve already promised myself to my best friend whom I’ve used and hurt. I can’t hurt him twice. I can’t break his heart.
“It’s too late now,” I tell him.
“Is it?”
“Yes, I’m with him.”
There’s a pause here.
Thick and heavy.
Clinging to the air like the chill of winter.
Then in his gravelly voice, he says, “And you can stay with him.”
“But—”
“After I’ve made you mine.”
“You—”
“I’m not asking you to be with me. You understand that, don’t you?” he goes on to explain. “I have no interest in being with you. This isn’t a marriage proposal. All I want is one night.”
I dig my nails into my thighs. “Right.” Digging them a little harder still, I say, “I understand.”
“Shouldn’t take more than that. He can have you once I’m done with you.”
I don’t know why I brought any of that up when I already knew the answer.
But I just… Maybe I needed a reminder of it all.
Of what this is.
Before I completely drown myself in delusion of what I want it to be.
“No,” I tell him.
He holds his silence, but I do hear a sharp breath.
“You can’t have me. Not even for one night. For the millionth time, I’m with your brother.” Then I add, “And you can stop now.”
“Stop what?”
“Watching me, watching out for me. Looking at me, looking at my dresses,” I clarify. “What I wear is none of your business. I wanted it to be, yes. But as I’ve already said, it’s too late now. Besides, he…”
“Besides he what?”
“He does that. He keeps me safe.”
He does, doesn’t he?
He told me that tonight.
He told me so many other things tonight. Things that made me feel awful. Things that made me regret everything that I did in pursuit of the man I’m obsessed with. But of course he’s not my only victim.
I have played games with both of them.
I’ve gotten everything so twisted and snarled.
God, what a mess I’ve made.
But I’m cleaning it up now and if anyone has the right to keep me safe, it’s Shepard.
Not him.
A few seconds pass in silence before he says, “Does he now?”
“Yes,” I reply. “My boyfriend protects me.”
“Except your boyfriend isn’t exactly known for being chivalrous and observant.”
“Well, he is. He’s more chivalrous and observant than you think,” I tell him, defending Shepard. And then because I can’t stop myself from bragging about him, I go, “Exhibit A: one time when we were at a bar, he put his jacket on me because there were a bunch of guys there who were watching me. And he didn’t like that.”
Again, a few seconds go by in silence, followed by, “Is that right?”
“Yes.” I nod. “Which means I don’t need you because I have him.”
“And his jacket.”
I grit my teeth.
God, he pisses me off so much.
And so easily too.
How can anyone have such power over someone?
It’s disgusting.
It’s…
But wait.
I have some power over him too, don’t I?
I do.
He just admitted to it.
And maybe, just maybe, I can use it. I can use my power over him to make him feel powerless for a change. To make him feel as if he’s at my mercy rather than I’m at his.
Just a little. Just for tonight.
“So it doesn’t matter how Shepard and I started,” I continue, feeling giddy and tingly. “What matters is that we’re happy now. We’re perfect for each other. We have insane chemistry. We’re in love and you need to get that and back off.”
“Insane chemistry.”
I do realize that I’m doing the same thing.
I’m using Shep to make him jealous.
But whatever.
Even if these things aren’t true right now, they will be one day. I will make it so. So all I’m doing really is using the future to make him jealous and that’s fine.
“Yes, we do,” I agree, my tone snotty. “We have insane chemistry.”
“How insane?”
“In. Sane,” I say, emphasizing all the sounds and the syllables. “The kind of insane that you probably won’t be able to understand.”
“Try me.”
“Are you sure?” I ask with a smile in my voice. “Because given what you’ve just told me, about how crazy you are about me, I don’t think you’d be able to handle it. And no matter what you’ve done to me, I’m a good person. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“By all means, hurt my feelings.”
His dry yet arrogant tone just fires me up even more. And I straighten my shoulders and eye the white billowing curtains and the winter night with challenge. “Do you know what I was doing before I called you?”