Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 934(@200wpm)___ 747(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
And it always made me curious.
It also made me think that maybe this stupid plan I have—using one brother to get another—should be stopped. Of course I didn’t stop, though, and now look where we are.
In any case, I still try to approach this albeit delicately. Not only because he may not like it but also because for some reason, I can’t shake that bad feeling. I can’t shake this restlessness in my chest.
Isadora
He’s your brother.
Shepard
I’m aware of that.
Isadora
Twin brother.
Shepard
Aware of that too.
Isadora
So you should talk to him. Whatever it is that you guys are fighting about can be resolved. I mean, he’s one of the good guys, right?
Shepard
Can I tell you secret?
Isadora
What secret?
Shepard
He may look like a good guy but from what I hear he’s a fucking asshole.
My whole body shakes then.
My whole body goes in an uproar. My heart, my breaths.
My soul.
For a few seconds, I think that maybe he knows.
He knows what I said to him that night. I called him an asshole in disguise, didn’t I, so maybe Shepard overheard it. Not only he overheard what I said, but he can read my mind. He can read my thoughts. He can hear my heartbeats and if he can, then he probably knows that every beat of my heart, every pulse, every thought is of one and one man only.
Him.
Isadora
Yes.
Shepard
Yes what?
Isadora
Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes, I want to be your girlfriend!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
And then comes the longest pause in the history of all the pauses in the world.
I know that was abrupt, me going all yes on him like that. But I needed to get the situation and my traitorous thoughts under control. And now that he’s not responding, I think maybe I should call him instead of this stupid back and forth via texting. But then I realize that this is all I can do right now. This is all the courage I have in me, so I fire off another text, a long one.
Isadora
I know I’ve been a shitty friend. I know this whole past year I led you on. The whole world thinks I’m your girlfriend when I’m not. I never was. Instead, I gave you mixed signals. I knew you were starting to feel more for me, but I didn’t say anything. I pretended not to notice and that was awful of me. It was so fucking awful of me to do that to you, to my best friend. I watched you feel so shitty and did nothing. I strung you along. I dragged my feet. I forced you to give me an ultimatum that night and I… I’m so sorry about that, Shepard. I’m so so sorry. I never wanted you to feel that way. I never wanted to hurt you. I just… I was so blind. I was so wrapped up in my own head that I couldn’t realize that you were the one for me. You are the one for me.
You gave me until the home game to give you an answer but I’m giving it to you now. I want you. I want to be with you. I never ever want to make you feel the way I have this last year. I want to be your girlfriend.
I want to say more.
I want to keep saying it.
I also want to curl up in a ball and disappear as the winter breeze swirls inside my bedroom. Because this is it, isn’t it? This is the end of an era. The end of my obsession with him. Because now that I’ve given my answer to Shepard, I’m going to cut all ties with him. I’m going to firmly push him out of my mind and focus all my devotion and love on my best friend.
No more watching him. No more obsessing over him.
No more making him jealous or angry.
I knew it was coming, the end. I wanted it to come, but maybe I wasn’t fully prepared for it. For the death of my love. For the murder of it.
At my own hands.
But it’s okay.
It’s always better to kill the love that will only be mourned by one heart. Because that love is unrequited and therefore useless.
Once again, those three dots come and go, and I stare at them and stare at them, waiting with bated breath for his response.
Shepard
The world does think you’re my girlfriend.
I swallow as I watch another one come in.
Shepard
But you’re not.
Followed by another.
Shepard
Because you gave me mixed signals.
And another.
Shepard
You strung me along. You dragged your feet.
And yet another.
Shepard
Even when you knew I wanted you.
Do I have all of that right?
I don’t know how I do it, but I reply to him.
Isadora
Yes.
Shepard
And you’re sorry.
Do I have that right as well?
Isadora
Yes, you do. Because I am. I’m sorry, Shepard.
Shepard
But now you want to be my girlfriend.
Isadora
Yes, I do. I want to.